…… with Little Bit, the new love of my life.
Well,hopefully not the last night forever. But my last night during his first week of life.
Daughter #3 came last Saturday and stayed wtih us. It was way too difficult for her to be in NY, away from the closest person to her, her twin, and the baby. It was so nice to be able to spend time with both of them.
And then Son #1 came in on Sunday to spend the day wtih all of us. The love and support that my children show to each other warms my heart and makes me very emotional. If the other three had been at points in their lives that would make travel possible, I know they would’ve been here, too.

Tomorrow I head back to NY.
And I have no doubt that there will be some tears shed before I go. And maybe during the flight. When Daughter #3 left I volunteered to stay home, saying that I’d be cleaning the house, which I did. But the real reason I stayed behind was because I knew that I’d be crying buckets watching the two of them part. I knew that they would both cry over being separated, and especially Daughter #3 being separated from Little Bit.
Bless her heart …… she had to head straight to the ladies room to try to pull herself together, because she was crying very hard.

Babies! Dang, the can bring out so much love and joy and then knock you to your knees when you have to leave them.
Which is what will happen to me tomorrow morning.

But I’ll be back. I’ll be in NY for two weeks and then back to Texas. Before Little Bit came into our lives I was thinking that I’d be in Texas for about a week, and then I’d head straight back to NY.
Now …… not so much.

It’s interesting how fast your life can change.
Both in good ways …… and bad.

Our lives changed horrifically in the span of a few hours, almost 7 years ago. And though things are finally good, and my life has gone in so many wonderful directions, it will never be the life I’m overjoyed with.
But it is the life I have, and so I plan to make the most, and best, of it.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned these past 7 years, it’s this …… flexibilty is key.
Again, life can, and often will, change in a heartbeat. Sometimes it’s loss, sometimes it’s new life.

This has been an amazing week. I’ve loved spending time holding, rocking and loving this new little life. I have no idea what his future holds …… but then, I have no idea what the future of my children, or myself, holds. And so I know that today is the day that matters. Today is the day to show this child, and my children, and everyone I love …… that they are loved.
I love this new little life.
I don’t know how long he’ll be in our lives. Daughter #2 and I don’t discuss that much. We sometimes comment about the “mom”, and all that she must be feeling. We also make plans to do things that will keep her in the loop …… like buying two baby books. One for Daughter #2 to fill out and keep all of the precious memories recorded. And one for his mother, which D#2 will also fill out, so that she’ll be able to see some of his “firsts”, and be able to feel like she was connected in some way.

We don’t know how long he’ll be in our lives, which is very difficult to think about. I held him the other night, and talked to him about the future that I hoped for him. I wondered if the love we give him now will make a difference in his life. I pray that God protects his body and his soul, and honors the love that has been, and will continue to be, poured into him.

And though we don’t spend a lot of time talking about her, I do think of his mother …… often. I think of the pain she must be feeling with her empty arms. I wonder about the pain she also feels from full breasts that can’t be relieved by her son. I wonder if she lies awake at night, wondering about the home he’s in, and the people who are taking care of him.
I wonder if she wonders if he’s feeling loved.
I wish there was some way to reassure her …… to let her know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he is THE most loved little boy on the face of this earth.

As for him, he is the most remarkable baby I’ve ever seen. No kidding.. And I’ve had six of my own wonderful babies …… but none of them compare to the easy-going, laid back, contented personality that this child has.
Truthfully, we have yet to hear him really cry. He makes noises a lot. And he can whimper a bit and sound totally pathetic. But he hasn’t ever really cried. He eats every two to three hours, and when that time comes, he makes small noises and opens and closes his mouth, like a little bird.
It’s kind of insane.

He doesn’t cry when you change his diaper. He doesn’t cry when you undress/dress him. He doesn’t cry when you bathe him. He doesn’t cry when he’s hungry. And so far, he doesn’t seem to get upset over anything enough to cry.

I had baby duty last night, so that D #2 could get a full night’s sleep. I’ll have it again tonight because, as I told her, she might as well take advantage of the last chance she’ll get to sleep through the night.

He woke up three times to be fed. And I enjoyed snuggling with him against me, as I fed him. I didn’t mind losing one second of sleep. I figure I can catch up when I get back to NY. I can always sleep …… but I’ll never have this time again.

So for those of you who pray, I ask that you pray for this tiny soul. I pray that the love we pour into him will somehow make a difference in his life.
I pray for his mother. I pray that, when the time comes for her to be reunited with this special child, she’ll be more than ready and equipped. I pray that she and her family will continue to pour love into him. And I pray that they will all know the love of God, and the power that love has.

And I pray for Daughter #2. I pray that she loves this child enough to be able to do what’s best for him. I pray that she loves his mother with an endless love. And I pray that God fill her heart with peace and joy over this child …… and what his future holds.

I have been so blessed to be a part of his life this week. And blessed to share him with my amazing daughter. She’s the most selfless, loving and brave person I know. I’d love to take credit for that, but I can’t. She is a child of God. And she has followed Him to this place in her life.

She has an amazing support system here in Waco, through her amazing church family and the people she works with.
She, and this child, are loved …… and supported.
What more could a mother want for her daughter?

So I leave tomorrow.
But I’ll be back.
And I’ll continue to support and encourage her …… and pour an endless supply of love into this tiny baby …… for as long as I can.

I am indeed blessed among women.

…… and wonderous thing.
It can continue to grow and hold more love inside it, even as it constantly works on mending itself. Even after it’s been torn in half.

I’m going to do my very best to not cry while I write this, but it’s doubtful that I’ll succeed, because I’ve been crying at the drop of a hat for the last few days.
You’d think I was the one who gave birth, what with the level of emotions that rise up inside me, threatening to rush out of my eyes and my throat.
I keep swallowing them down, as best I can, but that doesn’t always work …… like today in church, for example.

For those of you who have yet to hear my latest, and by far biggest, news …… Daughter #2 became a foster mom Friday.   She decided a long time ago that she wanted to do this, married or single, and so …… rather than wait around to see if Mr. RIght came along, she decided to do what she wanted to do, now, rather than later.
I wonder where she gets that??

Anyway, I visited her about a month ago to help get her home ready to have children.
We thought it might happen quickly, once she finished all of the paper work, the inspections, the hoop-jumping and the I’s and T’s were all dotted and crossed.
And it did.

Last week I flew to Canada for our first ever international Camp Widow, in Toronto. It was a long day. I flew from NY to Montreal, and then on to Toronto. I got to the hotel, dumped my bag in my room and then went downstairs to start helping out. I had not been at the hotel for even an hour when my phone rang. I picked it up, saw D#2’s name, and said, “Uh oh!” to my friends, M and D and D.  I knew exactly what was about to happen.
Because …… hello?!! I’m in Toronto!

Yes, Daughter #2 had been called. It seemed a mom was being induced that day so would she be willing to take the baby, as long as he/she was healthy? After thinking about it for a bit, she jumped at it. When she called me that’s all she knew. We didn’t know when the baby would be born, or how long after birth it would take for her to get the baby. But we knew it would be before the weekend was out.
Because …… of course.  Camp Widow Canada!!!

I immediately started searching for flights and found a few that I could swing on Saturday. I had three workshops scheduled for Friday, but none to lead on Saturday, so I hoped that Saturday would be the day the baby would be placed with her.
It was placed on Friday.
Of course.
Because nothing in my life seems to go flawlessly, right?!

She called me Thursday night at around 9:00 or so to inform me of the placement. So back to the internet I went, seeing if I could find a flight that would leave late enough for me to get two of my workshops done, and I’d find someone to cover the afternoon event.

Let’s just say that there are not a whole lotta options when trying to fly out of Toronto and into Waco, TX.
By the time I found a flight and finally clicked on “Purchase”, I received a message that someone else had beaten me to it.
So I started over and was finally successful. I found a flight that would depart at 2:15, meaning I could leave the hotel at 12:30, which was the time the second workshop would end.

I re-packed my bag Thursday night and got everything ready to head out the next day.
But by Friday morning I was a nervous wreck. I realized that the 2nd workshop would be very intense and I suddenly couldn’t remember how I was supposed to handle the discussions in there. My mind had gone blank. But I did remember that several people stay after and need more time to share and process, which meant there really was no way in hell that I would get out of that hotel by 12:30.
And then I remembered that I was outside of the U.S. …… which meant…… Customs.
Oh my word, there was a huge panic monster residing in my stomach, threatening to jump up and out of my throat, screaming at the top of its lungs.
Fortunately I ran into M on my way to the first workshop. She informed me that there was no way I could leave at 12:30 if I did the second workshop, AND there was no way I’d be able to concentrate with everything going on in my head/life. I already felt bad that I wasn’t going to be able to lead the afternoon workshop, so I hated to bail on the second one, but she was totally right. She told me that she’d lead it, which truthfully, did a wonderful job of calming down the panic monster. He left my throat and settled into my stomach, where he usually resides during times of stress.
Thank you, M. ❤

So I led the first workshop and then left for the airport, made the flight and even, surprisingly made the next flight out of DFW to Waco. Because DFW is a hella-big airport and I never arrive in the terminal where my connection is. And I had less than 30 minutes by the time I got off of the plane. So I ran through that airport, cursing it along the way. Especially since I hadn’t eaten anything ALL day and didn’t have time now to grab something (as I had hoped).

But I made that flight and it was very short. In fact, the flight attendant came over the speaker and she told everyone they could now bring out their laptops and electronics …… and I kid you not …… the pilot came on less than 60 seconds later and told us that we were starting our descent so we had to pack up our electronics.
Really?!

A friend of the girls picked me up at the airport (Daughter #2 was still on the road and would not be getting in until 9:00 p.m.). So we went to Target and loaded up on all things baby.
Then went to the house to unpack it all, launder it, clean the house, and get everything ready.

And then they were home.

And my mending heart grew another size.

Now, as I hold him, feed him, change his diaper, I marvel at his perfection.
But also as I hold him, I look into his eyes and I cry.
I cry for the joy of him.
I cry for his mother (who hopes to be reunited with him in a few months).
I cry for joy for Daughter #2.
I cry for the pain and tearing of the heart that she will most likely experience.
I cry for the missing of Jim, and for him …… missing this.
I cry for him not being here to watch the love and joy in Daughter #2’s face and eyes.
I cry for the pain I’ll feel when all I have to do is leave in a few days.
And then I cry for the heart-rending that my all-too-torn-up heart will have to feel again in a few months.
Another loss.
Over someone who has firmly placed his tiny fingers around my finger, and around my heart.

My daughter is the bravest person I know.
I’m so very proud of her.
I love her so fiercely that I can not bear the thought of the pain she will certainly feel when it’s time to let this little angel go.

We want the best for him. We try to focus on the mom, and all she’s missing right now. We try our best to focus on being happy/thrilled for her, knowing Daughter #2 is keeping him safe and loved for her.

But with the passing of each minute with this tiny little being, whom no one knew about 5 days ago, that focus gets fuzzier and fuzzier.

So for now, we focus on now. And only now.
And hope that the peace, comfort and strength of God, will get us through “then”.

…… because I walked all over the town of Hoboken today.
Seriously.

I left the apartment at 9:00 to head to the southern most point of Manhattan. As in Wall Street/the Financial District/the World Trade Center.
I didn’t get home until 7:00 p.m.
Oh, my word …… my body hates me right now.
But it was worth it.
🙂

So, I made my way to the ferry terminal down there, and met up with several friends from the Manhattan Women’s Club.
I know what you’re thinking. “A women’s club?! Sounds very snobby to me!”.
I get it.
I thought that the first time I heard about it.
But trust me, this is a group of some of the friendliest women I’ve ever met. Most of them have lived all over the world, so they’re used to making new friends and accepting people easily.
And there are so many events/lunches/book club meetings that it’s hard to keep up with them all.
I love it.

Today we went on a tour of Hoboken.
The weather was perfect for a tour of any place, but Hoboken was pretty dang cool. It’s changed a lot since the days of “On the Waterfront” and Frank Sinatra.
Like night and day.
It’s now a hugely popular city and housing is expensive and scarce.
It’s a lovely city and I can see why anyone would want to live there. I mean, heck, it’s got the best dang view of the NYC skyline.

I took a ton of pictures.
And hopefully I’ll share them with you …… one day.
But tonight is not that day.
I’m pooped.
I’m beyond pooped.
And I have to leave the apartment tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m. to head for the airport ….. and then take two flights to Toronto.
Camp Widow goes international this weekend.
I know!!!

So instead, I’ll give you a list of things I observed yesterday while walking around Manhattan/sitting in Columbus Circle for an hour.
It probably won’t be as interesting as Hoboken, but there you go.
Beggars can’t be choosers.
I have no idea why I wrote that.

OK, here are my observations from yesterday:

1. I watched a man and a woman pushing strollers that held 6 (SIX!) toddlers. Each. For a total of 12 (TWELVE!) kids. And yes, they were obviously child care workers, but still …… 12 (TWELVE!!).

2. As I sat in Columbus Circle I noticed a young woman sitting near me. She was listening to music (like 98.9% of the people who walk around Manhattan). And she was waiting for someone, though I didn’t know it until she got up and ran to a much older man who was walking towards us. They grabbed each other and hugged. And hugged. And hugged. And hugged.
It was an abnormally long hug, which made it all the better.
They were evidently thrilled to see each other, and she, especially, could not let go of him.
It was a pretty neat sight.
And then I noticed what he was wearing.
Which may or may not have made it more cool.
He had on green velvet pants …… bright green.
He also had two different pairs of boots on his feet. Not that he had both pairs on, but he had one boot on his right foot, and a whole ‘nother boot on his left.
He was a bit …… eclectic.
I would’ve loved to know what their relationship was and what he did for a living.

3. There’s been a huge crackdown on cyclists in Central Park over the weekend. That’s because a woman was killed when a cyclist hit her. So I watched policemen make cyclists get off of their bikes when they came into Columbus Circle, heading towards the Park. Which was nice because a lot of times those guys ride all over the sidewalks, where there’s supposed to be NO bike riding.

4. The temps were in the high 60’s/low 70’s yesterday. Which made some people dress in shorts …… and others in jackets and scarves.
Really?!

5. I am now in a ton of photos that were taken in Columbus Circle yesterday afternoon. Without even photo bombing a single person.

6. People watching outdoors in New York is WAY better than people watching elsewhere. With the exception of Schlitterbahn in New Braunfels, Texas …… where it appears that most people don’t own a mirror.

7.Sometimes, if you sit long enough, you get free samples.

8. Columbus Circle at 3:00 p.m. is a pretty decent place to sit and people watch on a gorgeous fall afternoon.

9. Some girls’ school uniform skirts are WAY too short.

And, for the 10th thing I observed in Columbus Circle ……

10. I am thanking God that my three sons have better taste than this guy:

See you from Canada, Peeps.
🙂

…… it’s a wonderful town.

Yes, I borrowed those lyrics from a song.
And these:
“Heaven … I’m in heaven. And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak. And I seem to find the happiness I seek.”
Of course I’m leaving out the main line …… “When we’re out together dancing cheek to cheek.”
That’s because I don’t know anyone I’d want to dance cheek to cheek with, and because I’m happy with the first few lines.

Daughter #3 and I walked to Trader Joe’s today (it’s about a mile from the apartment …. which is nothing!), and the weather was beautiful (in the 60’s!!) and I’m so happy to be in this city, that the words, “Heaven …… I’m in heaven ……” kept running in my mind over and over again.

I’ll keep humming that until …… oh, about 10:45 tomorrow morning …… when I go to my first barre class in over 4 (FOUR!!) months.
Trust me, I won’t be humming anything during, or shortly after, that close.
Well, I might be humming, “Let my people go”, or something akin to that.

After that there’s a plethora of things going on in NY. But then, there’s always a plethora of things going on in NY.
And I just like using the word “plethora”.
🙂

Tomorrow is that German American parade (thank you, Margot!) and Oktoberfest in the Park. It’s a shame that I don’t like beer.
Then there’s the San Generro Feast in Little Italy. I’m not sure exactly what goes on with that, other than Italian food, but it sounds fun.

I’ve been pretty torn since I arrived here.
I want to walk around and just soak up the cooler weather and the spirit that is NY, but I also need to finish watching the first season of “The Black List”.
Do NOT roll your eyes!! It happens to be a VERY good show and the second season starts on Monday. I think there are 22 episodes and I’m on #13.
This is a frustrating conundrum.
And yes, I’m watching #13 while I type this for all of you.
That’s just the kind of blog writer I am. Totally selfless when it comes to my readers.
And …… I’m going to have to watch this episode over again because I’m not doing a great job of multi-tasking.

So after my barre class tomorrow I’m hanging out with my friend Kelley. We’ll see what source of entertainment we choose. Or how many.
Daughter #3 is spending the day with her BF.
Things have changed.
She’s in love.
And while I’m happy for her, one small, teeny, tiny part of me wants to gag.
She’d be totally happy to dance cheek to cheek with him. In fact, they took took dance classes for quite a while, so I”m sure she’s danced cheek to cheek with him several times.
It’s a good thing I like him.

So that’s it. I know it’s not very exciting. I did hang out with friends in my building last night and tonight, so that was fun.
And I got out to go grocery shopping today.
Oh, and to also laugh at the people in line at the Apple store.
The store on 5th avenue had a line that was over 12 blocks long.
That’s over a mile, Peeps.
That’s insane.
Totally insane.
Especially when you can order the stupid thing on line!!! Why on earth would you stand in a line like that when you can have it sent to your home a few days later?!!!
Insane!!!

I also had to catch up on a lot of bills and companies who have failed to change my address.
Blue Cross is sending stuff to my apartment here AND to my home in Texas.
Go figure.

So, kind of a dull post, but not to worry. I’m sure I’ll have plenty of things to tell you about during most of my stay here.
Right now I’m just pacing myself.
LOL!

Have a great weekend, Peeps.
🙂

P.S. Here’s one of the pics I took while we were landing yesterday. See that tallest building there? The very tallest? That’s the “Freedom Tower”, that’s been built next to where the World Trader Center buildings were.
It’s pretty dang tall.
🙂

(Settle in for a bedtime story, Peeps.  🙂

…… seem to be drawn to me.
Or to my property.

They can be human, or non-human. They can be furry, or have scales.
They can be carnivorous, or vegan.
They can get up with the sun, or be nocturnal.

But they all seem to have one thing in common:
They want to see if they can make my head explode.

I went back to the house yesterday, armed with a bucket full of cleaning supplies …… and an intent to maim and/or destroy.
I was able to do neither.
Which I guess is a good thing, because that meant that the most recent party animal couldn’t make his way back down my chimney, through my flue ……. and into my house.

We first thought that he had only been in the house one time, evidently on Wednesday night/Thursday morning. That’s because a family had looked at the house and, when questioned, had seen nothing amiss. But then today we found out that they had indeed seen something amiss …… they just didn’t recognize it as that. It turns out that when they saw clumps of poop in the bedroom, and tons of dirty footprints in the bathtub …… they figured that the owners had a dog and had given it a bath. And I guess they thought the owners didn’t have a problem with poopy floors.
Go figure.

As I cleaned the house up, I was able to piece a bit more of the story together.
The raccoon made his way down my chimney, out of the fireplace and through the screens and glass doors some time during the middle of the night, most likely.
He is SO lucky that I don’t live in that house, or that I didn’t live in it the night he decided to drop in for a visit.
Or a party.
I can assure you that there’d be one less raccoon in the world today.
Probably because he would’ve had a fatal heart attack the moment I saw him and started screaming.

He didn’t wander around downstairs. I don’t know why, maybe he thought he wouldn’t run into humans if he headed upward.
Maybe he thinks all parties are held on upper floors.
Or maybe there was already a crowd of raccoons doing the limbo up there.

Whatever the reason, he took his fat, dirty self up the stairs and into Son #1’s room. He walked around the room, looked out the window, and then decided to poop. And so he did.
Then he walked through the bathroom that connects that bedroom to Son #3’s bedroom. He opened a few drawers on his way, but didn’t find anything.
Once he got into Son #3’s room, he opened more drawers in the wall of built ins. Again, he found nothing. So he walked along some of the shelves, continued to find nothing, so he got down and headed towards the window. He then decided climb up the blinds to see if he could look out the window, and wave to his friends letting them know the coast was clear.
Imagine his surprise when the blinds came crashing down to the floor, along with his fat, furry, dirty body.
He was so surprised that he peed all over the blinds.
And then peed in another area for good measure.

After that he decided that he could use a drink, so he headed into the bathroom. He couldn’t turn the faucets on so he headed into the adjoining room with the toilet and tub.
He then climbed up on the toilet (he could do that easily because we raised our boys to always put the lid down!) and took his dirty paws, grabbed a hold of the lid to the tank, and tried to lift it off of the tank.
He managed to get it a bit askew, but he wasn’t able to lift it completely off. The wimp.

He gave up, climbed down, and walked over to the tub. That’s when he noticed that the faucet was slowly dripping, so he managed to climb up, and over the tub wall. Then he fell into the tub because the porcelain was pretty slippery and I doubt that he’d had much experience with porcelain.
After getting up, he focused his attention on the faucet, and started licking up the drips on tub floor, as well as on the faucet.
It’s hard to tell how long he did that before he either ……
A. Tried to get out of the tub, but kept sliding back down into it, leaving hundreds of sooty-footmarks all over the tub …… or ……
B. Texted all of his raccoon friends, inviting them to come over for a hot tub party, which accounts for the hundreds of sooty-footprints all over the tub.

Choose your own conclusion.

At some point he was finally able to make his way out of that slippery tub. He then walked through one of the bedrooms some more, and then left the bedroom and climbed the few stairs that lead to the upper level of the house, which contains 2 more bedrooms, connected by another bathroom.

He walked into the largest of the two room, moved the blinds so that he could look outside (to make sure that all of his friends actually left the house) and then opened a few desk drawers so that he could use them as a ladder to get up onto the desk.
He once again found that there was nothing to play with, nor was there any food to eat.
So he waddled into the bathroom and spied the toilet paper roll. At last! He found some fun …… and proceeded to unroll the entire toilet paper roll, leaving it lying almost neatly in a pile on the floor.
When it was completely off of the cardboard roll he decided to move to the next room. But this time he didn’t try to get into the tub. I think he’d had enough of slippery porcelain, and his fur was still drying so he stayed out.
He wandered around Son #2’s bedroom, but decided that he didn’t need to pee or poop. He pulled out a few desk drawers, climbed up and checked out the shelves. By this time he was becoming pretty bored and most likely pretty tired from all of the hot-tubbing/drawer-climbing/toilet paper un-rolling/pooping and peeing.
He knew that it was close to his bed time because the sky was getting lighter and his eyes were getting heavier.

So he waddled his fat, damp-furried, but cleaner-footed self back down the stairs, went into the dining room, opened a few drawers, climbed up on the cabinet, found nothing and so decided it was time to head out.
He waddled back over to the fireplace, got up on his two back feet, looked around to make sure no one was watching, and then lifted himself up and into my chimney. Once he got past the flue he was able to grab onto a brick ledge that goes around the inside of the chimney. From that ledge he could stand on his toes and grab on to another, though smaller, brick ledge. There are several small 2-brick ledges that circle (or square?) the inside of that chimney, making climbing up or down a challenge, but definitely do-able.
Trust me, this isn’t my first rodeo.
And we’ve had that stupid chimney top fixed several times with all kind of materials locked down over it.
But nothing works for very long.
Thus, the hot tub party in the middle of the night.

So there you go. A raccoon bedtime story.
You’re very welcome.

And bonus! I have a few pics and a video.
Cuz I’m nice that way.
🙂

This is one of the pics of the tub, post its first scrubbing.  There may, or may not, have been some sailor-like language accompanying all that exhausting, but not very effective, scrubbing.

This is Son #1’s room. Well, it used to be his room. Now he has his very own apartment and no one lives in this room, or this house at the moment. But I’ll still refer to it as his room. For now. 🙂
It looks pretty clean, doesn’t it? Look a bit closer.

See that? That’s what we call a raccoon foot print. That’s probably what most people call it, but if you have a different name for it, please share. 🙂

There’s another one. It’s pretty large. Have you ever read “The Kissing Hand”? If you have, check out the middle of the “palm” area.
I know, right?!!!

This is a video of me, following the fat guy’s foot steps. I was investigating. Kind of.
I don’t think I’ll be working for the FBI any time soon.