Monthly Archives: September 2015

Sweating in Texas ……

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…… has been in full force this past week.

On Tuesday I’m heading to Waco to visit Daughter #2 and Little Man* and the temperature is predicted to be 97 degrees.
Every day.
All week.
Holy crap.

I told D2 that LM, the dogs and I would NOT be spending any time in the park.
Nary a minute.

But in spite of temperatures from hell slightly high heat, I’m very excited.
I love being able to stay home with Little Man while she works during the day. I can hardly wait to get there!

To top it off …… he turns one this week so I’m feeling very blessed to be able to be there. And of course D2 is having a birthday party for him.
It’s hard to believe it’s been an entire year already.
A year full of blessings for both of them.
She bought a house, moved, and got a promotion.
They’ve made quite a few trips …… from one end of the country to the other. He’s a pretty well-traveled little man. 🙂

Gracie Lou is doing well. She seems to love having the extra room to run in our Texas home.
She still doesn’t enjoy it when I leave the house without her. In fact, I think it’s pretty sad that she goes and hides in her crate …… every time I take a shower.
Sad that I apparently only take showers when I’m going to leave the house.
Whatever.
Don’t judge me.
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Daughter #3 is doing well in Austin and enjoying her new job. She and her BF drove over yesterday for the day. It was nice to spend some time with them. I’ll get to see them (and her dog, Jake, whom I haven’t seen in almost a year) next weekend for the birthday party. And Son #1 and hopefully Son #2. Whoop!

I also got to spend some time with my Mom and D on Friday. I met them for lunch and a movie (“Everest” — I don’t really recommend it unless you’re in the mood to be depressed). It was nice to be with them, too.

Before I came down this time I had pretty much decided to sell the house this year and live in NY 100% of the time.
And who knows, I may still do that.
But as I sat in the airport and on the plane coming here, I started to re-think that idea. I remembered how very much I love this house.
And I really do.
I wish I could move it to Waco. That would definitely be closer to the other Texas kids, as well as the Oklahoma-for-now kid.
Of course, I’d also have to move the Houston airport because it’s beyond convenient for the NY trips.
But it appears that both the house and the airport are firmly planted, so, for now, I’m keeping the house as “vacation home”.
And yes, it is kind of sad that my vacation home is in Houston.
I knew that’s what you were thinking.

Of course, if you know me well then you know that I’ll probably change my mind next week.
And the week after that.
And so on and so forth.

I’d say it’s a woman’s prerogative/widow-brain thing, but I think it’s gone way beyond that now.
It does keep life interesting though.
🙂

I think that’s it for now. I have to go to bed so that my body will be well-rested for another sweaty day.
Don’t mock me …… sweating profusely takes a lot out of a girl.
And more out of a woman of a certain age.

I know this was a riveting post.
I hope your heart withstood the excitement.

Later, Peeps.
Stay cool.

*Daughter #2 prefers the name, “Little Man”, so I’m using that instead of “Little Bit”.
I have to say …… since he’s not so little anymore, Little Man is a better name. 🙂

I Know It’s Not Just Me ……

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…… nor is it just widowed people …… but I hate feeling so very alone in a room full of people.

(Warning: This will be a pity party of one. Proceed at your own risk.)

I hate feeling on the outskirts. I should be used to that feeling because it’s mostly how I’ve felt over the past four or so decades.
While I loved school, most of the time, I never quite felt a full part of any group. There were times I’d feel included, but not consistently. College was much better. I had a group of friends who loved and accepted me. They still do. I feel so blessed when I’m with them.

It would be nice to say that, as I got older I felt more included, but that would be a lie.
I remember watching all of the other PTA moms grouping together before and after school, making plans and knowing that, although I, too, was a PTA mom, I would not be included.

It was the same at churches, Bible studies, book clubs, boards, etc.
Not always, but mostly.

I think that part of the problem is that I am an introvert who can appear to be an extrovert. I blame the theatre. 😊
I’ve always tried to be very involved in the communities where I live, so that I could meet and hopefully connect with people.  Sometimes that would happen, but most of the time I couldn’t/can’t seem to break through the friendship boundaries that already exist.

And then there’s this:  When you’re involved in a lot of areas, people tend to assume that you have a lot of friends from ALL of those areas and so you’re probably too busy for more.

That became hugely apparent in the months after Jim died.

Loneliness can feel like it will crush you to death.

The one place in all the world where I knew beyond a doubt that I belonged, was next to Jim.
T. A. N. W. to describe the missing of that.
The missing of him.

I know that I am liked. I know that I am loved. I know that I am blessed.

I hope to one day feel securely right smack in the middle of a group, rather than on the outskirts, watching.

And maybe someday, if I am blessed beyond belief again, I’ll find myself next to someone who loves and accepts me and makes me feel that I belong 100% with him.

Maybe.