Monthly Archives: May 2016

It’s Been a Week ……

You May Get Awfully Tired ……

…… of seeing this face.
Though I highly doubt it.
Because …… this face!

He’s all ours now.
Well, technically, he’s all Daughter #2’s. But she has to share. 🙂

The hearing was …… well, it was certainly surprising.

Before it really started, the judge was asking D2’s attorney some questions. She didn’t seem all that happy with the answers and seemed to indicate that she would not be on board with Little Man’s adoption today.
Most of us inwardly groaned and settled in, bracing ourselves to hear that this would not be finished today, but at some point in the near future.

The attorney questioned the case worker, and then D2. And she described her life over these past 20 months …… and her love (and ours) for Little Man. She also said what she feared would happen if he were to not stay with her.

I don’t think there were many dry eyes in the room.

She did a great, and very calm job.

After almost two hours both attorneys were basically done (D2’s and Little Man’s). The judge then questioned them.
Again, we thought we’d be returning to this court room at some future date to continue this journey.

And then, almost out of the blue, she looked up and said, “I’m signing the orders for termination and for adoption. And for the name change.”

Daughter #3 and I were sitting together and we both gasped in surprise. And then burst into tears. I really was stunned.
The judge looked over at us and smiled. I smiled at her through my tears and mouthed, “Thank you.”
She asked if there were enough tissue boxes in the room.
Fortunately, there were.

So it is done.
Little Man is 100% part of our family.
Forever.
Thank You, God.

He not only carries our last name, but his middle name is James.
After his grandfather, who would’ve burst into tears himself upon hearing that.

We had a celebratory dinner tonight. Just him, Daughter #2, Daughter #3, and their good friend/attorney. Oh, and me. We hope to have a party next weekend to celebrate in a big way.
On our way out of the restaurant, who should we bump into but Chip and Joanna (if you don’t know who they are, you don’t watch “Fixer Upper”, and …… I’m sorry), who had already heard the news through the Waco grapevine.

You have to love small towns. 🙂

I’m headed to Chicago tomorrow for my niece’s high school graduation. I know I’ll have a great time. I’m just praying that I’ll be able to get back home without having to sleep on a cot in O’Hare.
Please, God.

Before I go, I’m going to leave you with some pictures.
And a video.

Be careful. The cuteness overload may be too much for some people.
But you might as well get used to it.
Because ……
This.
Face!!

Kinda …… Somewhat ……

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…… oh, not even.
Unpacked, that is.

Some rooms look a lot closer than others.
And then there’s the entire second floor.
I try not to go up there.
Yet.

I will give you a small sneak peek at the chaos that is my life right now.
Well, not so much chaos as …… the cave I’ve only left twice since I got here last Friday morning.

I went to the grocery store on Sunday …… whoop!
Trust me, that’s a sincere “whoop”.
Which means that I badly needed to get out of the house.

Then tonight I went out to dinner with my parents.
It seems strange to live in the same town with them.
Strange, but nice.
After all, it’s been 25 years since that happened.
Twenty five. Wow.
I’m glad I didn’t know then how the next 25 years would play out.
#knowingthefutureisoverrated

So anyway, back to the peek.
Here you go:

I know this seems obvious, but bear with me. This was a box of my shoes.

And so was this.
Like I really needed the flippant commentary from the packer.

This is a picture of part of the front of my house. My phone snapped this shot when I dropped it.
It’s not a great idea to drag boxes out of the house while trying to hold on to your phone. Even if you really are trying to get some cool pics for your lovely blog readers (they’ll be posted later).

This was the view of my backyard this morning when I woke up. Fortunately, I had nothing on my calendar except unpacking.
All day long.

I had/have boxes upon boxes of books.
I’ve come to the opinion that books are an awful lot like rabbits.
I swear I didn’t have that many two years ago.

After unpacking all of them and then putting them around the living room in various categories/stacks/piles/heaps, I decided to part with two boxes of them. I mean really …… how many more times am I going to read Pelican Brief? Or Life of Pi?

As you can see, the flippant packer had an opinion about my books, too.

Though it kind of looks like these might be very fragile “crasses”, they are not.
It’s my collection of crosses.
Which may one day leave these boxes …… if I can decide where to hang them. Lord have mercy.

I finally got all of my bedding washed and put on my bed.
Which made one of us very, very happy. And yes, that’s a stuffed teddy bear next to her. I think it’s supposed to be a cat toy, but that’s what happens when you’re only 4 pounds.

These boxes need to be moved upstairs. I’m just waiting for the box fairy to show up and do that. What? A girl can dream.

This is the family room, which is close to being done. Very, very close.

This is my “breakfast area”. Most people put a table and chairs here. That would mean that most people probably have a table and chairs to put there. I do not. So now it’s a sitting area, which I really love.

This is the kitchen, obviously. It’s basically done, though I won’t consider it fully finished until that island is an empty canvas. Yes, it might be a while.

Speaking of a blank canvas, this is the dining room. Which is basically done, except for that wall, which needs some serious help. If you look closely you can see that there’s a picture leaning against it. Hopefully it will one day be on that wall, rather than leaning against it. We shall see.

Speaking of serious help …… this room is in dire straights. Not the band, the situation. It’s the living room, but as you can see …… it’s more like the “piano and only the piano room”. It’s quite small, so there’s not much that can be added, but I’m on a quest. A quest to make it like like more than just a room that contains a piano. It’s going to be a very, very long quest …… so don’t hold your breath. Of course, just getting all of those boxes upstairs will do wonders.
Not for the upstairs, though.

That’s it.
I told it would be small.

I’d give you more but I’m tired. Physically, yes …… but mostly I’m tired of boxes. I’m leaving for NY on the 31st.
Thank.
The.
Lord.

I need to get some rest. And leave the boxes behind.
They’ll definitely be here when I get back.
Whenever that is.

By the way, Thursday at 1:30 Central Time, it would be great if you all could send up prayers.
Daughter #2 and I (and I think Daughter #3) will be going to court concerning her adoption of Little Man. Please pray that the morning cases stay on time so that her case isn’t postponed. Please.
And then of course …… please pray for the obvious.
The best for Little Man.

Wouldn’t it be great if you could actually see his face the next time I post?
Yeah, me, too.
Thanks, Peeps. ❤

In with a Bang ……

A Beautiful Harp ……

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…… can’t always play beautiful music.

No matter how beautiful this magnificent instrument looks, it’s only as good as its strings.

Monday night, as I sat through the funeral of my stepmother, tears rolling down my face at yet another part of my life that is gone, the image of a beautiful harp filled my mind.
It came out of nowhere, but it was as clear as if the harp were actually sitting in front of me.
As I studied this harp in my mind, one of its strings suddenly broke. It was an almost violent action and sound that stood in contrast to the beauty of the instrument.
Sometimes the breaking of a harp string can be painful.
If you’re too close.

It didn’t take me long to realize that this beautiful, yet broken
instrument …… was a visual image of my life.
Or rather, of my life since I met Jim.

Meeting him and falling in love with him brought the harp into my life.
All of the people and experiences that came after that filled my beautiful harp with amazing sounding strings.
The music from that harp was often loud, full of joy, love, laughter and sometimes … touching sadness.

And then Jim died.
Suddenly.
And just as suddenly, most of the strings on that harp snapped violently, stinging anyone and anything in their path.
After that, the harp just sat …… in its brokenness.

It occurred to me, as I sat in that funeral home Monday night, that each breaking string represented another connection with Jim that was now gone.
So seeing that string break at that moment, wasn’t actually losing my stepmother, but losing another part of my life that contained Jim.

I thought of all of those broken strings, and the lost people or things they represented.
My mother in law.
People who withdrew from my life.
The sale of our home.
The sale of our lake house.
The death of a friend of ours.
The divorce of friends of ours.
Our children …… graduating, growing, graduating again …… marrying.
Moving to New York.
Leaving Kingwood.
Selling his car.

There are so many more strings that have broken.
So many more ties to Jim that have been lost.
The more they break …… the lonelier, and sometimes more broken, I feel.

But here’s the thing.
The most important thing.
The harp doesn’t have to stay broken.
New strings can be added.
Notice that I didn’t say that strings can be “replaced”.
Because they can’t.
Ever.
And that’s ok.
They need to be remembered and honored and treasured for what each of them added to the beauty of the instrument.

And then new strings can be installed.
All it takes is a little determination.
And the desire to hear beautiful music again.

But most importantly …… it’s asking for help from the God who’s been loving us and waiting for us all along.

I’ve found that he adds the very best strings …… when I get out of His way.

Ironically enough …… the same events that can break a string …… can also put in a new one.
Moving to New York.
Selling “our” home in order to start the next part of my life.
Children graduating. And thriving.
And marrying.

New strings can be added as often as you recognize them.
Son #4.
Little Man.
Moving to Waco.
Gracie. Making new friends. Reconnecting with old ones.
Continuing to make memories.
Continuing to count blessings.

A harp needs to have strings replaced periodically in order to sound its best.
And even though new strings bring beauty …… there will still be pain each time an old one breaks.
Each time I lose another connection to Jim.

It’s this thing called “life” …… and it comes with the territory …… of living.

My harp will continue to play, and will continue to cause pain sometimes. The only way to avoid that is to leave it sitting in a corner, collecting dust.
And missing out on its extraordinary, beautiful music.
That …… I cannot do.

I’ll continue to listen to its music, feel the pain of each broken string, and lovingly add new ones as needed, with God’s help.
Because I can’t bear the thought of never seeing, or hearing, its beauty again.
And remembering Jim each time it plays.

	mysecondplana on So Many ……
	Chris, who lurks on So Many ……
	mysecondplana on Living in Limbo ……
	Sharon on Living in Limbo ……
	Lisanne on Living in Limbo ……

My Second Plan A

After my first Plan A ended tragically, and all too soon, I came up with my second Plan A. It took a while, but now I'm ready to live again. And live fully.