Monthly Archives: March 2021

Change is Good ……


…… except when it’s not.

Since many of you who read this blog are also widowed, I know that you get the latter part of that sentence.

My family had a change a couple of weeks ago that was not good.
It was heart breaking.
About a month ago Daughter #2 called to tell me that the little boy whom we all thought would one day join our family permanently, was going to be placed elsewhere. She had found out quite suddenly and since everyone involved in his case had been asking her from Day 1 if she’d be willing to adopt him, it was also quite unexpected.
She told me that it would be happening within the next week of so, so if I wanted to spend any time with him I should come to Texas asap.

Two days later I was there.
I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible and I also wanted to be there to support my daughter.
We enjoyed him, cuddled him, held him, played with him and just spent time with him.
We talked about the day that he’d be leaving (having no idea when it would actually arrive) and we managed to not cry every time we did.

But when that evening did arrive, the pain and grief were almost unbearable.
The boys took it very well. My daughter has done a great job of explaining fostering to them and so they know that kids will come and go. They’ve seen them come and go.
D2 never told them that the baby would be there forever …… she’s always very cautious around that subject.
For good reason.

But she and I were a mess that night.
The tears flow as I write this because I still (and will always) miss that sweet child.
I pray for him and for his family. I prayed over him that night, asking God to please bless him and them, to keep him strong and healthy and for him to have a good life.
It was the only thing that I could do for him.
And it didn’t feel like it was enough.

He has gone to live with his siblings and a grandparent.
I’m thrilled for them and for the joy that they’ll have with him in their lives.
I pray that he experiences just as much joy with them.

But my heart breaks for him and the way this was handled.
He has lived with D2 and the boys for more than half of his short life.
He loves and adores them.
And I know he loves me.

I wish that this sudden move had been more of a slow transition so that he could get to know the family with whom he’d be living.
I wish that the people who were supposed to be looking out for him had actually done that.
I wish that someone had taken into account how his tiny but big heart would feel to be suddenly taken from the mama he’d come to know and love.

So yes, my heart hurts for him mostly.
I know he’s only a baby, but babies are not immune to feelings of abandonment.
And we’ve learned that they don’t just “get over” loss
But I pray that he’ll experience so much love and joy in his new home that he will heal from this loss.
Please join me in that prayer.

In other news of change …… Son #3 moved to NYC this past weekend.
And that’s a good change.
I came home Sunday afternoon and he met me for dinner and then a tour of his apartment, which is on the opposite side of the Park from mine.

We had a good time together and he is very, very happy.
That does a mom’s heart good.
A lot of good.
I think it will be fun to have him here and I look forward to being able to spend time with him.
(For you long time followers …… who’d a thunk?!)

Other news: my father was hospitalized with Covid for three weeks. Almost two of those were in ICU.
He then spent another two weeks in a nursing home.
He’s home now and doing better, but it’s still a very long road.
He’s still on oxygen and has a hard time exerting himself.
Baby steps, though.
Huge baby steps.

The next time I hear someone say that this virus is made up, I may just have to slap them.

Oh, while I was in Waco I got my vaccine! Such a huge relief. It was the J&J shot so it’s one and done.
While that’s great, let me just tell you that that vaccine hurt like a SOB!
So it’s probably a good thing that it’s only one injection.

The day before I came back to NY we celebrated Grandson #3’s first birthday.
It was wonderful to spend some time with him and with his parents.
It’s hard to believe that both new grandchildren are now 1.
I hope that I get to see more of them this year than I did in the last.
Covid sucks.

That’s it for now.
I’m very happy to be back home.
I miss the boys but NY will always have a hold on me.
One to which I gladly give in.

Hug your people.
If you can’t hug them (yet) then call them and tell them that you love them.
And then hug them as soon as you can.