Monthly Archives: August 2018

Holy Smokes ……

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…… is that even a saying?
Holy smokes? I can’t remember.
But for some reason, it came to me.
Because it’s been a very, very long time since I’ve written anything.
And that’s mostly because …… I feel that I don’t have anything to say.

Life goes on.
It moves forward.
Things happen.
Or don’t happen.
And that’s life.

It’s not like I haven’t been busy. Or done anything fun.
Because I have.
I’ve been back and forth between NYC and Waco.
I’ve been to Ireland. And oh my word …… what a beautiful country. I’d love to go back and rent a house for a month …… just to experience life there.
I need to add it to my list.

I went to Colorado to visit Son #3, who starts law school next week.
For those of you who’ve been with me for the last 10 years …… you know how huge this is.
I’m trying to hold back the tears as I type this.
It’s been a long road.
A very long road.
Since Jim died.
So long.

I went to San Diego to attend Camp Widow West.
It was the 10th anniversary of Camp.
Ten years.
So much has happened these past 10 years.
So much has changed.
So many emotions.
I had a great time.

I’m back in New York now.
I came back last week from Waco.
Of course I love being here.
But I’m torn.

Daughter #2 has her hands full.
Not only does she have J (a.k.a Grandson #1), she’s been fostering a little one year old boy for a couple of months now.
And I am in love.
When he first came to live with her there was no room in her daycare for him. For two weeks. So I took care of him for those two weeks.
And fell head over heels.

So while it’s great to be here in NYC, it’s hard to be away from those two precious boys.

I seem to be at a crossroads.
Or a fork in the road.
Or a whatever road.

I love NY.
I have many friends in NY.
There are endless things to do here.
And it’s so easy to live here as a single person.

But those two boys are in Waco.
And most of my kids are in Texas.
I really don’t know anyone in Waco.
I certainly have no social life there.
But those boys.
Sigh ……

So I go back and forth.
And forth and back.
Part of me wants to sell that house in Waco and just live full time, fully invested in NY.
But …… those boys.

For the very first time in five years …… I’m in New York and longing to be back in Waco.
What.
The.
Hell?

So there you go.
My life at the moment.
Torn between two cities.

Holy smokes.