15.
It’s  a substantial number, right?

15!!
I mean, it’s not a huge number (depending on one’s perspective) but it’s certainly a number worth celebrating.

Usually.

15.
The fifteenth year that I have blogged about this date.
The fifteenth year that the tears have come.
The fifteenth year that my children have not had their father.
The fifteenth year his friends and family have missed his presence.
The fifteenth year that I’ve lived (depending on one’s perspective) with an ache in my heart. The severity has dimmed but the ache is still there.

15.
It’s a number that can seem like eons.
It’s a number that can be gone in a flash.
It’s a number that can seem like nothing.
It’s a number that seems unfathomable.

15.
The number of years my children have pushed forward, even after having fallen back.
The number of years where many friends became so much more.
The number of years I’ve wandered, trying new places, people and food.
The number of years my heart has continued to grow and love new friends, who became so much more.

Yes, 15 is a substantial number.

But there are others.

5.
The number of years it took me to remember that Jim and I had talked about moving to NY.

4.
The number of years it took me to give up the fight and follow my heart to NY full time.

8.
The number of years I’ve been a Gigi.

9.
The number of sons and daughters I now have, thanks to my children.

10.
The number of years I’ve lived in NY.

27.
The number of years I had Jim.

48.
The number of years (minus 3 weeks) he lived and the number of years he impacted people.

15.
The number of years I have survived, strengthened, grown, messed up and kept going.

Forever.
The number of years I’ll love him.