…… will she know how much I loved her?” – Garth Brooks
Life has been crazy, wonderful, exhausting, sad and joyful.
Pretty much like everyone else’s.
The kids are all well, the grandkids are fantastic (most of the time …. they’re mine but they’re not perfect …… all of the time.)
There are five of them: 7,5,2,2 and 4 1/2 months.
I’ve traveled a lot this year and the year’s only half over.
Thank you, Covid.
Two years of travel plans stuffed into one is exhausting.
Life is full.
And yet sometimes I feel that empty space.
The space that contained him.
It doesn’t happen much these days but once in a while that emptiness brings me to tears.
And then there are the times that I’m reminded of the love that’s still there.
The love that overflows from that space …… even without him.
I was listening to some Garth Brooks this afternoon.
Some of his songs became “our songs”.
And it was always Jim who made me aware of them.
“If Tomorrow Never Comes” is one of those songs.
You’ll have to go read the lyrics if you don’t know them.
One morning I woke to find a letter by my bedside.
This was decades ago. I won’t tell you exactly how long but suffice it to say that we only had three children.
It was a letter that Jim had written the night before, while he watched me sleep.
This song was in his head and he wanted to let me know.
He told me what I already knew, but it’s always nice to be told anyway.
And especially to put it in writing.
If tomorrow never came, he wanted me to know how very much he loved me.
He wanted to make sure that I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how much I meant to him.
“And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes?”
I didn’t know that just about 17 years later …… tomorrow wouldn’t come.
But I did know one thing:
I was loved beyond measure.
And his love is indeed enough to last.
“So, tell that someone that you love
Just what you’re thinkin’ of
If tomorrow never comes.”