Monthly Archives: November 2016

So Thankful …… And Yet ……

…… Jim, and the missing of him, is never far from my mind. Most especially at 2:34 in the morning. Sleep has been elusive since 10 p.m. Its elusiveness leaves a gaping hole inside of me …… where the missing of Jim slides into, and runneth over. A lot.
I miss that man.

The missing of him no longer brings the acute pain it once did. It can, and usually does, bring some tears, but not the debilitating torrent it once brought.
But make no mistake …… I miss him. I love him. I crave him. My heart hurts from the missing of him.
Even in the midst of so much thankfulness.
And maybe especially in the midst.
Because he was, and always will be, the person I am most thankful for.
Always and forever.

There is so much for which I am thankful:
* Our children
* Our parents and siblings
* Our grandchild, who looks at pictures of Jim and gleefully calls out, “Gran pa pa!”
And as sweet and precious and wonderful as that is, it also saddens my heart. It will always be bittersweet, this raising of grandchildren. Because he should be here to experience the pure joy that is grandparenting.
Instead, this amazing experience was stolen from him.
Or that’s my take anyway.

I am so very thankful for him.
For what we had.
For all we did.
For all we said.
For how we loved.

Over the past few years I’ve come to the realization that there will be no other man.
And while that realization can cause me to feel sad at times, it also brings acceptance, contentment, and peace, because it’s exactly what I want.
Or don’t want.                                                                                                                                         Either way, I know that I don’t want to have another relationship.

I experienced life with my best friend. It wasn’t always perfect, but it was always right. We knew that God brought us together, that was never in doubt. Once in awhile we questioned His plan …… SIX kids, God?? SIX??? Are you sure??! …… but we knew it was His plan so we just went with it. Because …… what else could we do?!

I do believe that we were soulmates. And while I think you can have more than one, I don’t believe God has that in store for me.
And I’m good with that.                                                                                                                             It’s what I want.
There are times I feel sad at the thought of growing old alone, but my life is full and busy and satisfying right now.

I am thankful.
For so very much.
But especially for 27 years of knowing, and loving, that man. And for being on the receiving end of his love. Which was huge.

And now, it’s 3:08 a.m. Maybe now that I’ve expressed these feelings via a keyboard, sleep will come.

But if not, it just gives me four more hours of remembering. And loving the remembering.
Even when it hurts.

I Think Today Requires ……

…… more pictures than words.

I’m still a bit (or maybe a lot) stunned and really don’t have any words to write anyway.
Not yet.

So on to pictures.  This first group are all from the month of September.  I may or may not write a description.  We’ll see if I feel inspired when I upload them.  🙂

SOMEbody was put in time out for refusing to stop barking. She shall remain nameless but she has her own FB and Instagram accounts, so these could be used for blackmail some day. 😉

I walked into a store at the beginning of September and was not prepared to see this:

Or this (whatever):

I really thought this part of life was behind me.  Ha!

And now for October.

This kid.  So much love.
We went to the zoo.

And Angel …… we went to this exhibit just for you.  🙂

A day in Waco.  Note that in the bottom right picture they were BOTH getting ready to act upon a bad idea.

This took a while.

Excellent cookie placement.

Another trip to the zoo.  And a new friend was made.  A massive new friend.

This was an experiment to see if the hairstyle would work with ……

…… THIS!

(I’m hoping that you know he’s dressed up as Alexander Hamilton.  His awesome mom made the costume!)

I went to Oklahoma for our Homecoming and had dinner one night with my lovely, fun and loving “sisters”.  ❤

Here are pics from November (so far):

A play and a movie preview.

A beautiful day in the Park.  Most people had on hats and scarves.
I wore sandals.

Another play, starring Mary Louise Parker.  There was on stage seating, which was cool.  And her 12 year old son was being an usher.  So cute!

And then there was this musical, starring Josh Groban, whom Daughter #2 wants to marry. So I hung out at the stage door afterwards to record him saying hi to her and to get pics and his autograph.  Success!

An awesomely beautiful day for tennis.

A cup of tea after a long awaited massage at Lush Spa.  The kids gave me a gift certificate for Christmas …… last year.  I kept forgetting about it but last week remembered and decided to use it on Election Day.  I’m glad I did.  I still feel pretty relaxed.  🙂

And last but certainly not least …… a post-grooming Gracie.  The only dog I know that loves going to the groomer.  Seriously.

Enjoy your day and remember to breathe deeply every once in awhile.
Or drink a bottle of wine.
Whatever works for you.

Happy Wednesday!