Monthly Archives: August 2017

Sometimes the Only Thing You Can Say Is ……

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…… shit happens.

That’s all I’ve got right now.
It has happened before in my life.
It is happening now.
It will happen again.

The one thing I’ve known for almost 10 years is this:
there are worse things that could happen.

The home I moved to Waco from is flooded.
Thank you, Harvey.
You suck.

There’s nothing I can do right now.
I can’t get in. Lots of people can’t get out.
My friend who rents this home from me had to swim out of the house with her son and two dogs.
In over 5 feet of water.
I am beyond thankful that they are safe.

Yes, I’m grateful.
But I also have a confession to make.
And it won’t be popular.
So if this offends you, I’m sorry.
It’s just my reality.
Which changed dramatically on December 18, 2007.

I’ve been on Facebook almost constantly since Harvey hit Houston. It was the only way to keep up in real time with my friends and neighbors in my community.
It was hard to keep looking at the growing devastation, but it was necessary, too.
The rain has finally stopped, but they’re still letting water out of the lakes and reservoirs, which is what caused the flooding in that area. So it might get worse before it gets better.
There is a long, long road ahead for so many of my friends.

So here’s my confession:
I tend to cringe every time I read a post from someone whose house stayed dry that says, “God is so good!”
It’s not that I don’t believe that God is good.
I do.
But I don’t believe God spared one house over another.
I believe that shit happens.
And sometimes …… it doesn’t.

I know that people who write that don’t mean to insult anyone whose house flooded.
But, in my opinion, it is an insult.
My house was flooded.
Does that mean God wasn’t good to me?
Does that mean that God was upset with me?
Does it mean that you’re more faithful/religious/better than I am?
Does it mean that you’re a better prayer than I am?

I don’t believe for one minute that you think that.
But it feels that way.
Just as it feels that way when someone claims God/prayer saved their loved one through an accident/illness/catastrophe …… but didn’t save mine.

I don’t believe that God brought Harvey to us.
I don’t believe that God spared your house because you prayed for him to do so.
Thousands of praying people lost their homes and/or belongings.
Many praying people lost their loved ones in this storm.

I don’t believe in a God who cherry-picks whom to help.
I don’t believe in a God who gives us what we ask for, like Santa.
I don’t believe that prayers are granted because you prayed harder.

I believe in a God who loves us, no matter what.
I believe in a God who is sad when tragedy occurs.
I believe in a God who will carry us through the darkness.
But we have to go through it.

And I believe that shit happens.

A Very Long Case of ……

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…… the blahs.

It’s what I have and what I’ve had for a long while now. Life isn’t bad. It’s ok. It’s just …… blah.
I miss him.
Still.
And always.
And forever.

But it’s also beyond that.
I think.
I’m really not sure what’s going on or why it’s going on.
Other than I’m living in Waco, where I really have no life.
Yes, I could probably do something about that, but that’s the thing about the blahs.
They kind of make you feel tired and not motivated to do much.

Yes, the blahs sound very much like depression, but I don’t think that’s it.
I think it’s just beyond time to be in NY.
At least I hope that’s what it is.

I’m leaving in 6 days.
And I can hardly wait.
Although I’m going back with a little more on my plate.
IMG_7366
This is Gracie on the right …… and Georgie (George Burns …… kudos to those of you who are old enough to get that) on the left. He’s been here about 3 weeks or so. The two of them are finally getting along …… most of the time.
And he’s so very loving and really good.
Except for the fact that I can’t seem to convince him to get litter box trained.
And I’m about to pull my hair out.
So yeah …… the blahs.

I’ve had my two houses on the market for over a month now.
And though the market is supposedly “hot” right now in this part of Texas …… there’s been very little traffic.
Which is beyond frustrating.
And blah-inducing.

Our family home that I sold a couple of years ago …… well, I did a very stupid thing. Some people call it nice. I still think it was stupid. I offered to carry the note for the family who was renting the house, knowing that it was the only way they’d be able to stay in the house and my heart really felt for them. They’ve been through a lot.
And they promised that things were different and were very excited.
And now I’m in the middle of a foreclosure.
Which makes me sick to my stomach.
And adds to the blah-ness.

I left Oregon at the first of July.
I don’t think I’ll be going back.
Alcohol makes some people very mean.
And kind of insane.
And it makes them lash out at the people who are there.
So, I don’t plan on being there.

Daughter #2 is still fostering a toddler girl. Her life is beyond crazy. She doesn’t know how I did it.
And I’m not sure that I remember how I did.
I’m giving her a weekend away from the kids this weekend. I’ll be taking care of the kids Fri-Sun.
All prayers/good thoughts/tons of energy are welcomed and needed. 🙂

I think that’s all of the catching up/whining I think I have.
For now.
It’s been so long since I’ve written a post.
Too long.
But I’m not sure that there’s anyone out there anymore anyway.

This is pretty boring, if I do say so myself.
And I realize that the blahs are just really me whining.
I just …… miss him.
Damn it.