…… and tears.

It’s been quite a couple of weeks.

And today, the 28th, is …… well, today should have been our 31st wedding anniversary.
And of course, just typing that makes me cry.

There are two sure-fire things that bring on tears, even at 6 1/2 years. One is for me to either say or type the words, “I miss him”,
and the other is to say or type how long we would’ve been married.
There are a few other things, too, but I’m choosing to mention only those two.

The last two weeks have been rough …… and great.
I love my new home.
Jim would’ve liked it, too.
And maybe he does.

It hasn’t been easy. Pain has been high throughout the move and it still is. I think that it all can be traced back to whatever inflammatory arthritis I’ve got, and since I haven’t seen anyone about it in over a year, it might be time to give it some attention.
Though in my defense, I quit because nothing. ever. helped.
I decided that no useless medication was better than risking the copious amount of health risks that could occur from taking those meds. A risk worth taking if they helped. But again, they never did.
So maybe it’s time to find another doctor. And hopefully get some relief without feeling loopy.

In other news, I finally finished one room. Finally. Last night I got the study arranged and decorated the way I wanted it. I love it.
Mostly.
I had the wallpaper removed and then had it painted the same color as the study in our previous home. I also had the half bath de-wallpapered and painted. I likED the guy who bid on the job. It was my first time to use him. And last.
After he delayed the job twice, he finally came out with his crew and got to work. I guess that he’d not had much experience in removing wallpaper because it took them twice as long to do the job as he had thought.
They finished up and left and the next day I walked around and took a good look. And was shocked. When they textured the walls in the study they got that stuff all over the windows. And didn’t feel the need to clean up after themselves. Or clean my wood floors, either.
The trim is pretty crummy in many areas and they left all of the outlet covers off (that could be because the walls were dripping wet when they left). But the worst was in the bathroom. Where the guy got the yellow paint for the walls onto the white ceiling. A lot of yellow paint.
And paint all over the fixtures.
It was a very unprofessional job.
So I texted the guy, asking him to come over and look at everything. This was his reply: “Well, to tell you the truth, this job cost me a lot of money. I’ll see if I can fit you in on my calendar.”
Ummmmmm, yes, really.
I’ll never see him again.
Which will be worse for him than it will for me.

When my friend (who recommended him because he’d never been anything but professional as far as she knew) called him up in horror to ask him about this job, he said that he underbid it. He never, ever communicated that to me, and if he had, I would’ve offered him a fair amount to finish the job. I’d never had this done before so I had no idea what amount to expect. When my friend told him that it was a bad job he said, “Well, that’s not my fault.”
Ummmmm, yes again.
It’s MY fault that his crew painted like a bunch of 10 year olds?!! (My apologies to all current and former 10 year olds. You probably would’ve done a better job.)
If he thinks I’m going to give him more money, when he waits until I contact HIM about the mess, to tell me about his money problem, he’s insane.

So, if you don’t look too closely at the study, it’s lovely. Same with the bathroom. Which still needs pictures hung on its walls.
Before (Ugh!):

After (YAY!):

Before (UGH!!!):

After (Yay!):

Yesterday, however, I had a lovely surprise when I walked into my bedroom when the painters broke for lunch (a NEW set of painters, hired with a different guy): my room, which had been started at around 9:00 a.m., was totally done and my bathroom was well under way.
In fact, 3 hours later they were finished.
And I’m so happy with their work!


(I know the bathroom looks blue, like the bedroom, but it’s not. It’s actually a very lovely, soft green.)

This morning they come back to paint the family room/kitchen. I can’t wait because it will contain a pop of color that I’m really excited about! I won’t say what it is, but I’ll post pictures afterwards.
Whoop!

So that’s been happening.
It’s also been storming and raining like crazy here for quite a few days. I was considering gathering wood for an ark yesterday since I’m basically held hostage until the workers are done. But I have several lists and that’s on the very bottom.
Two nights ago, during a really bad storm, something happened to one of the electrical outlets outside. “Something” as in there’s a brown mark in and outside one of the outlets like something caught, or almost caught, fire.
And then the phones went out. As did the freezer in the garage, the fountains and the yard lights. Of course, at the time it happened, or some time after, I only knew that the phones were out. I didn’t hear anything or feel or smell anything. It wasn’t until yesterday when a worker came to work outside that I found out that “something” much bigger had happened.
So I’m hoping to have an electrician out today (thank God for Home Warranty companies and closing companies who provide them to buyers!).
Thank God also, that I didn’t have much of anything in that freezer. 🙂

So things have been good, but also rough.
The pain has made it all worse than it should be, and the missing of Jim always makes everything worse than it should be.

He should be here.
But he’s not. So here I am. In a very much wanted and very much loved new home.
A new home in which to make new memories and cherish the old.

In a little over a week I’ll be back in NY.
And that thrills me, although it also brings a little stress because, hello? Lists!!

I’ll only be there for a couple of weeks and then back here, trying to keep one step ahead of the Feds up there who would love to nab me for taxes if I don’t leave NY enough days of the year.
But, for the very first time, I’m looking forward to coming back …… home.

How blessed am I to have two homes to return to? (yes, I just ended that sentence with a preposition. Get over it.)

And though I’m struggling with pain and trying to not let it get the best of me, though having two homes sometimes means twice the headaches and four times the amount of repairs and money, and though this day is not what it should have been …… I am grateful for who and what I do have, rather than joyless for who I don’t.
Sad, yes.
But joyless, no.

That’s my life.
Finding a balance between the smiles and the tears.

Happy Anniversary, Honey.
I love and miss you every single day.
But I loved the Dance and I’d do it all again.
I love you forever.

…… to sit and write much of a post.

Sigh …… if it’s not one thing, it’s another.
The pleurisy that I fought with last week has pretty much abated to nothing.
Thank goodness.

But the pain underneath my shoulder blades has retuned with a vengeance.
It started yesterday, under my right shoulder blade, and by bed time I knew it was going to be a rough night.
It was an even rougher day.
The pain has been horrific and I can’t move without it shooting through my body at such an intensity as to leave me breathless.
Every once in a while I’m forced to use the Lamaze breathing, but it’s not helping. It’s all I can do to not just sit down and cry.
Seriously.

Tonight the pain is heading towards the area between my shoulder blades. And the pain is so bad that I feel nauseous.
What the hell is this about?!
Yes, I’ve been experiencing a lot of stress. More on that later.
It hurts too much to just sit in one spot and write.

Let me just say that moving by oneself sucks.
It shouldn’t be allowed.
But there you go.

If I spend much time thinking about all of the friends I’ve helped move over the past 20 plus years, I cry.
So I try not to do that.
It doesn’t change anything anyway.

The house is starting to look pretty great, so that’s good.

I wanted to end on a positive note.
Now I’m going to crawl into bed and pray for either an end to this pain, or a quick death.
Either would be welcome at this point.

 …… that it’s May?! I cannot. I’m trying to figure out where April went off to in such a hurry. I’m also trying to figure out why I haven’t updated for well over a week. Sorry Peeps.

I’m now in Houston.                                                                                                                                                                                             I arrived here last Tuesday night. On Wednesday I did the final walk-through of my new home, which went well. I liked it even more the second time I saw it. On Thursday I closed on it, and since then I’ve been packing up a few things at a time and moving them over.         At this rate I should be moved in by December.                                                                                                                                     Seriously.                                                                                                                                                                                                Especially since I evidently pulled something behind my left shoulder blade and the pain has gotten worse as the day’s gone on. It hurts to move and the pain is horrific if I bend over.  Which makes it a bit difficult to unpack pretty much anything.  Sigh.                                  I’m now sitting with a bag of frozen HEB Southwest Rice and Beans pressing against my shoulder blade.                                                     That was one of the recommendations I saw when I Googled “pain under shoulder blade”.       Well, the rice and beans weren’t the recommendation (but that would be hilarious).  The site just said that cold might help.  Luckily I had brought the package of rice and beans over last night.  Along with 2 cans of frozen limeade.                                                                                                                                Just call me Martha Stewart.                                                                                                    

Don’t you just love the Google?  And yes, I wrote “the”. It’s called humor.  (Though some people may disagree.  🙂

Anywhooo, hopefully the pain will subside, although the odds may not be in my favor since I’m sleeping on a futon.  I’m guessing that so-called “mattress” has probably helped to cause the pain.  Le sigh ……

So …… I’ll be posting pics after Monday, since that’s the day that my wi-fi will be installed.  Until then I’m using an iPad, which has an infuriating key board.  

Well, that’s all the news that’s fit to print.  At least for now.

Take care, Peeps, and have a great Sunday.                                                                                                                                                       🙂

…… in pictures.

This is at Son #3’s fraternity.  They were grilling hamburgers for all of the moms and families.

This is Son #3, putting up the fraternity flag:

This is the front of his fraternity house:

The ADPi letters represent the sorority they’re doing Homecoming with next year:

These pictures are from the backyard of my new home.  It has a beautiful back yard.

This is a redbud tree in Vicki’s back yard in Oklahoma.  These trees are everywhere.  And so beautiful.  🙂

This is Son #3, on the way to the farm.  I enjoyed the time with him.  🙂

This is a field planted with canola.  The yellow fields were really pretty.

And this is one of my father in law’s wheat fields.  Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain.  🙂

The sun setting at the farm:

This is the farm equipment grave yard:

More sunset pics:

Son #1 and his dog, GQ.  You know those people who seem to look like their dogs?  Ummmmm, yeah.

Daughter #2 and my father in law:

Son #1, Daughter #2 and my father in law:

These are from the airplane as we were descending in NY:

And this is my spoiled cat:

There you go.
My week in pictures.
Hope you enjoyed it.
Two posts in one night!

You’re welcome.
🙂

…… where the wind does indeed come sweeping down the plain.
A sweeping wind that sometimes threatens to knock you over.
Like the one this weekend.

But I love that wind.
Mostly.
Being back in Oklahoma, especially at the farm, is bittersweet.
More sweet than bitter, thankfully.

He should be there.
With me.
And with our children.
But he wasn’t.

I’m on a plane right now, writing this post.
And trying very hard to not cry, but as always, when I write about missing him, the tears flow.
Fortunately the guy next to me is asleep.

I had a good time in Oklahoma this past week.
If you don’t count the 8 days or so that I felt like crap.
I started coughing and having fever last Wednesday, two days before I left for Okla.
And I didn’t get better. Until I finally went to see a dr. this past Thursday. Nine days later.
Better late than never?

I’m on my 4th out of five days of antibiotics. And prescription cough medicine. And, for the first time ever, an inhaler.
I’m feeling much better.

I wasn’t a very exciting guest for Vicki. But it was nice to just hang with her and her family.
And it was nice to spend Moms Day with Son #3 at OSU last weekend. I’ve missed him.

And it was very nice to spend this past weekend with Daughter #2 and Son #1, and my father in law.
We surprised him with our visit, for his 89th birthday.
I think he was pleased.

And now I’m 10 minutes away from landing in NY.
And am very happy about that.
I’ve missed that city. Immensely.
I watched “When Harry Met Sally” on the plane and came close to crying when seeing all of the NY scenes. I was surprised by how much I’ve missed it.
And now I wonder how I’m going to handle being away for a month when I leave in two weeks.

Hopefully I’ll be so in love with my new home that it’ll be just fine.
I close on it in two weeks.
The thought of leaving our house is now starting to make me cry.
It’s time.
I’m ready.
But …… Can you ever truly be ready for something like this?
Leaving behind the home we thought would be our “forever” home.
Leaving behind the wall that has all of the kids’ measurements from every August.
Leaving behind the “secret room” under the stairs, where the kids and all of their friends signed the walls.
Leaving behind …… so much of us.

Yes, it will be painful …… and difficult.
But the memories go with me. And with each of the kids.
They can’t be left behind.
Hopefully I’ll keep that in mind.

I’m looking forward to moving into the new place. And making it mine.
I’m not looking forward to going through everything and deciding what to keep and what to sell/get rid of. That’s going to take a while.
But it has to be done, and other widowed people have done it before me, so I’ll do it.
And continue to move forward.

One step, one room at a time.