…… My VERY LAST NERVE!!!

I’ve had it.
Done.
I’m toast.
I’ve thrown in the towel.

I’m seriously considering selling everything in my Texas life and heading to NY and not looking back.
What, you may ask, would cause me to do such a drastic thing?
Well, I’ll tell you.
And you’ll laugh. But at this point in time, I’ve really had it, so it’s not so very funny to me.
Maybe it will be tomorrow.
Or next month.
Or ten years from now.

I worked all day today, on the computer, doing what I do to keep up with all things Soaring Spirits. I’ve scheduled a lot of Skype meetings, have already had a lot of Skype meetings, and have several more to do (we’re adding new groups at an amazingly fast pace right now!). So I worked on the computer all morning, until around 3:00.
And then I ran some errands, because I had to return a comforter that I bought for one of the guest rooms. It was a twin sized comforter. The bed in that room is queen sized. How in the world I came home with a twin sized, I’ll never know. I might be a bit worried about that, but I don’t really have time to ponder it.
So I took it back.
And got something else.

But on the way home I decided to make a detour and go over to the other house to check on things. Not that I expected to find anything out of the ordinary in an empty house, but I do watch “20/20” and they recently replayed a show about people moving into vacant houses and claiming squatters rights. That may have, or may have not, given me some motivation to make sure all was well in my big empty house.

I went through the garage door, and noticed that some of the stuff I let Son #2 put there (for his girlfriend, who was moving from one apartment into another), was still there …… 2 months later. I was under the impression that the stuff would be there for 2 weeks.
Color me surprised.
And unhappy.

But I walked past that stuff and on into the house. The first room I entered was the game room. Everything looked fine there. It was empty …… and still looked like a great room. With tons of storage.
Dang, I miss that storage.

Then I moved on into the kitchen area/family room. Now there’s a double sided fireplace in that area. One side is in the family room, off of the kitchen, the other side faces the living room.
I noticed that there was a “log” (it’s a fake gas fireplace) had fallen off of the stack and that a lot of the fluffy fake stuff that was in there was now in the family room. Like someone had stirred up everything in the fireplace and made a mess.
“Weird”, I thought. But whatever.
Then I walked into the living room and saw the other side of the fireplace. The glass and metal doors that are on that side of the fireplace were open. The fireplace screens were open. Someone had opened all four “doors” and left them open.
Again, I thought, “Weird”, and then I shut all of them. Very firmly.

I went through the downstairs …. my bedroom, bathroom, the study, and the dining room and looked things over. Nothing seemed to be amiss.

I then went upstairs.
I walked into Son #3’s room and saw that the blinds had been torn down from the windows. Upon closer inspection I noticed that there was some kind of dark stain on part of them. I wasn’t sure what that was, but the room had an odd smell.

Then I walked into Son #2’s room, and saw that something had been in there, and had decided to poop in that room. It looked kind of like dog poop.
I was stunned.
Who would’ve brought a dog into my empty house and let it poop all over the place?
That’s when I realized that the dark stain on the blinds, was pee.
And then I noted that there was pee in a few other places.

I then went into the bathroom that those 2 rooms shared. I didn’t see anything out of the ordinary …… until I moved the shower curtain back and looked into the tub.
And then I was shocked.
Full fledged shock.

Someone …… or something …… with very dirty feet, had been in that bathtub. All over that bathtub. There was dirt and mud and dirty footprints all over the place. And there was dirt all over the white shower curtain. Upon closer inspection, I saw that there were footprints all over the tub. I started cleaning the tub, as best I could with only hot water and a t shirt to rub all of the footprints with. But I couldn’t get the tub totally clean.
After all of that work, these footprints were still visible:

I saw those footprints and I knew immediately what and who had been in my house. And in that tub.
Those footprints belong to a raccoon.
I kid you not.
Again, you’re probably laughing your ass off right now.
I am not.

As an amateur, but pretty dang good, detective …… here’s what I surmise had happened.

Someone, I don’t know who, I don’t know when, opened the flue of my double-sided fireplace. And left it open.
Now, a family looked at the house this past Tuesday …… two days ago …… and noticed nothing amiss. So evidently, sometime last night, or today, a FREAKING (and you really don’t know how very much I wanted to use another F-word here, but am trying my very best to rein in my anger) RACCOON climbed into my chimney, and then down my chimney, landed in my fireplace, knocking stuff out of said fireplace, and then made his way upstairs. (I’m using the word “he” because I can’t imagine a female of any species being as rude and trashy as this thing was.) He then tried to climb onto the windows of Son #3’s room, tore down the blinds, and then decided to pee on them. He also decided to pee in a couple of other areas of that room.
Then he made his way into Son #2’s room, and felt the need to poop. All over that room.

After all of that peeing and pooping he must’ve decided that he needed a shower.
Whatever.
The tub in that bathroom has a slow leak through the faucet. I’m guessing that this disgusting raccoon decided that he’d like a drink of water. So he climbed into the tub. He then found it a bit difficult to climb his way out of the porcelain hole, even though he walked and climbed all over that tub. We’re talking ALL OVER.
There was mud/dirt caked onto the shower curtain. Let alone the hundreds of footprints all over the tub.
Again, the pictures above were taken after I had scrubbed that tub for at least 20 minutes.

I continued scrubbing it after I took the pics, so it looks a bit better now, but it’s still not footprint-less. I’m going to have to go back over there tomorrow to see if I can clean that tub completely.
We shall see.

After I cleaned it as well as I could, I went back downstairs. I checked the flue, found it open, and then slammed it shut …… as hard as I could. I put the fake log back on the pile and cleaned everything up as best I could.

Then I texted my good friend/real estate agent and told her that a raccoon had been living in my house.
And then I drove home, to my smaller, raccoon-less home. By the time I got home my friend has responded to my text …… just as horrified as I imagined she would. Then she asked me if I’d like to meet for a margarita.
Funny …… that sounded like just what I needed. So I met her for a margarita. Or two.

I’m feeling better now, though I’d still love to catch, and then skin, the raccoon who made its way through the top of my supposedly-animal-proof-chuimney, down said chimney, through my flue, and into my house to pee and poop to his heart’s content.
I hate him.
And yes, I checked the entire house to make sure he wasn’t hiding in it.
Alas, he was not.

So there you go.
Another freakin’ run in with another freakin’ creature.
I need to go to NY. ASAP.

Although …… I have to tell you that as I was approaching my home (the one I live in that has no raccoons), this is what I saw …… as I was pondering on how much I hated raccoons:

Yes, there was a mamma dear and two babies. The closest baby looked just like Bambi, with freckles and everything. How can you think about hating wild creatures as you gaze upon (and take photos of) these beautiful creatures?
So I promptly forgot/let go of the hated raccoon.

For now.

But I’ll be keeping a closer eye on my house now …… and hopefully the two of us will never encounter each other. Because I’m sure that I may be the one doing the peeing if that were to happen. Unless, of course, I decide to bring some kind of weapon with me.
Preferably a fire arm.

We shall see.

You’re totally welcome for this absurd, and perhaps funny, post.
Laugh at your own expense.
What goes around …… comes around.

🙂

…… it’s been almost two weeks since I’ve written a post.
What kind of writer am I?!! Other than a bad one. Or a neglectful one.
Thank you for your patience.
And grace.
I need a whole lotta grace.
🙂

So, let’s see …… when last you heard from me I was in Waco, helping out Daughter #2 get her house ready for foster children. I had intended to stay there for a couple of days …… you know, the Friday to Sunday kind of thing. Then on Sunday afternoon Daughter #2 said something about me maybe staying another day. I think I had just said something like, “It’s too bad I’m leaving today. I could get a lot of stuff done if I had more time.” So when she said that I should stay, I thought, “Why not?”, and so I did.
And boy, did I get a lot of stuff done!

The bedroom I slept in looked like this when I arrived:

There was a twin bed on the left side of the room, out of the view of the camera here. That’s where I slept.
On Monday, when she came home from work, it looked like this:

I had to disassemble the twin bed so that I could assemble the twin beds that she brought from home, which matched each other.
I put a bookcase together that we had purchased over the weekend. The plan was to put it into the closet. The best laid plans …… are probably accomplished by taking everything into account. Like how tall a bookcase should be if it’s going into a closet.
Something most people call “measurements”.
We took none.
And now the bookshelves are against a wall in the room rather than in the closet. They were a wee bit taller than we thought they were. This knowledge was obtained by eyeballing the picture on the box, not the actual bookcase.
Oh well.
It still looks good. It’s white and will hold a lot more toys and books than we thought.
Given that it’s about 7 feet tall.

She already had a bookcase in there, but it was black and very full to overflowing with her books. So I emptied it and moved it into her room. Then I organized all of her books and put them on the shelves.
Have I mentioned that I love to organize? No? Well, I do. A lot. I’ve even been paid for organizing a kitchen. I’d love to do it for a living, but I’m not sure how I’d start.
Anyway, I digress.
Kind of.

So I organized the bedroom and the closet (after I cleaned it out). We now have mattresses on the beds and new bedding on them. This room is child-ready.

After D2 came home from work, and liked the results (yay!), I said that it was too bad that I didn’t have time to get anything done in the third bedroom, which will be a nursery, if a nursery is needed.
So she said, “Why don’t you stay?” and I thought, “Why not?!” …… and so I did. We went out to eat, had a margarita, and then came home to watch the Emmys.
Unfortunately, D2 doesn’t have cable, or satellite ( I KNOW!!!) …… and the tuner/antenna she has, picked that night to not get NBC. Sigh.
So I went on line and set my DVR to record the Emmys and we watched stuff on Netflix. And I enjoyed another evening with her.

While she was at work the next day I ran some errands that needed to be done, did some laundry, cleaned the kitchen and then organized her paperwork/bills/craft area. I still didn’t get anything done in the other bedroom because dogs were in there most of the morning while we waited for a plumber to get there, and then leave.

These dogs are insane. Or actually, her dog is insane. She has a small dog and she’s been keeping Daughter #3’s dog (a black lab …… not so small) while she’s in NY. Her friend who lives in an apartment behind her also has a dog, so it stays with the other two during the day. They have crates in the bedroom.
When you walk into the room to get them, here’s what happens (again, the small dog (her’s) is the insane one:

See? How insane is it to jump like that and not realize that you could easily jump right out? He jumps like that All. Of. The. Time.
Seriously. He must be part springer spaniel.
Get it? Ha!!!

This dog also started growling one night, seemingly at no one or nothing. Then D2 figured out that a bust of Shakespeare, that I gave her a few weeks ago, was the culprit. It was in a corner of the living room and it seems that RG (the insane dog’s name) was not going to let Will sit comfortably. We’re not sure if someone forced him to sit through “King Lear”, or what, but he does NOT like that guy!

So other than having an insane dog, I think her house is ready for inspection. She’s already passed several, including one by the fire department, so I think she just has the final one to do.

If everyone had to pass these intense inspections before they were able to bring home a baby from the hospital, our hospitals would be overflowing with babies and toddlers. It’s amazing to see all of the hoops she’s had to jump through.
Now I just have to take a CPR class so that I’ll be allowed to babysit.
I doubt that the last one I took will count. I took it when I was pregnant with Daughter #1.
But it’s not like I forgot everything.
Although the thing that stands out the most is having to say, “Baby, baby …… are you ok?!!”, and trying not to laugh while Jim made faces at me.

OK, that’s it for now. I’m hoping to write about my trip to Chicago that occurred this past weekend. I had a great time.
Even if our hotel was full of hundreds of tiny little One Direction fans.
And their mothers.

Yikes!
🙂

P.S. I’d like to take a moment to brag. Did you notice that rug in the second video? D2 made it. She bought a very inexpensive beige rug, made templates for the design she wanted, and then used a Sharpie to draw it onto the rug.
Cute, huh?
She’s SO talented. 🙂

…… shame on you.
Fool me twice …… then I’m an idiot.

Nice try, Ms. GPS. Nice try.

I got in my car today to head to Waco. But first I checked Google Maps. I know some people have problems with that site, but in NY …… I live by Google Maps. They haven’t failed me yet.
Unlike a certain evil car GPS.

When ie got into the car I entered my destination into said GPS. She came back with three very similar routes to Waco.
Each one had a similar time frame for the route.
Each one of those would take me 5 1/2 hours.
Over two hours longer than it actually takes to get there.
The Google Maps time frame?
Three hours and fifteen minutes.
Guess which routes I didn’t use?

I’m perplexed and flummoxed over this stupid GPS. OK, I’m not really flummoxed …… I just wanted to use that word. Were you impressed?

This is a new car. All things inside that car should work, and work flawlessly. I don’t think that wanting a GPS that doesn’t hate me is asking for a lot.
But at least I’m not alone. Several of you seem to have the same evil GPS, or her equally evil twin.

And yes, she gives me preferences. Like “use highways”. Or at least she pretends to. I gave her several chances to change her routes to add a major highway (I-45 for all you Texans), but she flat out refused.
What. The. Heck??

So my phone and Google got me to Daughter #2’s house …… safely and quickly. Well, as quickly as 3 hours and 15 minutes can be.

I had a happy/sad moment as I passed the statue of Sam (Houston, for all you non-Texans. Otherwise known as foreigners.) Jim used to lead the whole family in a chorus of “Good-bye, Sam!” as we headed north on trips. We also told him hello on our return trips.
I miss him when I drive by Sam.
But I love the memories.

Speaking of heading north, I’m finally going back to NY in a few weeks! I’ve been going through major withdrawl. I need to see a Broadway show soon or I just might snap.
And no one wants that to happen.
Ask my kids.

Ok, I just noticed that it’s 12:30 a.m.
I thought it was closer to 11.
It’s been a longer day than I thought it was.

Y’all have a good weekend.
And stay on your toes if you use your GPS.
I think they’re trying to take over the world.
Or maybe just Texas.
🙂

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…… is trying to kill me.
Seriously.

Last night I drove downtown to meet up with a fellow widowed friend who’s in town for business (Hi M!).
I made it downtown with no problems, but that was only because I completely ignored the directions I was being given.
The GPS told me to get off of the highway about 10 miles before my destination. Which kind of surprised me. Thankfully, I know enough about this city to know that was NOT the way I wanted to go.

Unfortunately, I don’t know this city well enough when every other street seems to be closed due to construction.

I made it to my destination, picked up my friend and, after driving around cluelessly for a bit, happened upon a good Texas barbecue restaurant. We had a nice dinner (well, as nice as it can be at a barbecue restaurant) and enjoyed catching up. After a few hours I dropped him off at his hotel.
Then I set my GPS to “Go Home” and that’s when the trouble began.

Downtown is pretty messed up with all of the construction so, in spite of it’s earlier spectacular error, I trusted it.
That will not be happening again.

Ms. GPS (because it’s a female voice and I don’t know if she’s married) gave me 3 different routes to choose from, all of which looked pretty much the same.
I clicked on one and began my trek homeward.
I didn’t get onto a freeway for 30 minutes.
That’s because I was driving through the dregs and bowels and gangland streets of Houston.
I kid you not.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to ever drive through that area alone …… at night …… and in a new car that still has the dealer tags on.

I prayed as I approached every stop light, hoping that they would turn green before I had to stop. Thankfully, I only had to stop twice.
At the first stop someone pulled up next to me. Like, right next to and close …… to me.
I averted my eyes and tried to look tough.
Go ahead. Laugh.
I would if I were you.
I even pretended to chew gum.
Because we all know that all criminals and women who kill chew gum.
What the what??!

I finally made it to the freeway, when I happily shut off Ms. GPS, but not until I told her what I thought of her.
I amy have called her a few names.

I don’t know what’s going on, but she definitely has it in for me.

I’m driving to Waco today.
If you never hear from me again, look for my car.
It’ll probably be with Stephen King.