…… I made myself go out today.
And buy a Christmas tree.
And decorate it.
Which didn’t take all that long since it’s the smallest Christmas tree I’ve ever had.
I also set out a few decorations around the apartment. I only have enough to fill one box so that also didn’t take very long.
Gracie didn’t know what to think about this activity.
I hadn’t planned on decorating this year since I won’t be here in NY for Christmas. But today I decided that maybe I should. Maybe it would help. And for the most part, it did. The only downer was …… as I was decorating the tree and listening to Christmas music …… a song called, “One More Sleep” came on. I’d never heard it before but I can tell you now that I have …… I hate it. You can find the lyrics here.
But the tree is up and though it’s small, I’m thinking that from the outside it looks like a full-sized tree. 🙂
I still have the same problems that I had yesterday, and the same thoughts. But I also know how very much God has blessed me. I’m always aware of that, even in the midst of the pit, but some days I, like everyone else I know (widowed or not), don’t have the energy to fight the waves that come at me. Especially when I’m sick. Especially in December.
Thank you to everyone for your love, encouragement and support. Sometimes I think I should just write out my feelings to get them out, and then delete them so that no one worries about me. But I think that deleting them would be a disservice to others who grieve. As much as my words help them to know they’re not alone, your words tell me that neither am I. And I love you for that.
Now I have to finish watching “The Santa Clause”, keep trying to talk to a real person about insurance (ha!), drink some Robitussin so that I don’t hack up a lung, and then wrap Gracie up in her sling and go to our therapy dog class. We had to miss a class over Thanksgiving but hopefully she’s still on track.
I’d hate to have to spend time in detention.
Even though I did find her in my bed last night like this: