I Had A First ……

…… this week.

Yes, I know that I seem to always have “firsts”, but this one was pretty meaningful.
And no, I’m not talking about getting stuck in the elevator. That was the week before.

Thursday night I decided to watch The Tonight Show, which was a pretty big decision since I don’t enjoy Jay Leno. I could give you a list of reasons, but let’s just keep this positive, shall we?
(And really, in the scheme of things, it wasn’t all that “big” of a decision. I can sometimes stretch things a bit. Oh, whatever. I’m the writer ….. I can do what I want.)

Back to the positive.
I decided to watch his show that night because, as anyone who hasn’t been living under a rock knows, it was his last show. And I knew that there would be a lot of neat guests. I didn’t know who, other than Billy Crystal, but he was enough for me.

I wasn’t disappointed.
And I was pleasantly surprised when he announced Garth Brooks.
Jim loved Garth.
And not just because he was at Oklahoma State at the same time we were.
For those of you who don’t know, Garth worked as a bouncer in one of the more popular bars.
And no, he never bounced me, thank you very much.
I have never been bounced out of a bar.
As far as I can remember.

ANYWAY, Garth was a favorite of Jim’s. He told me the song, “Full House” was about us. Obviously.
(It really wasn’t …… unless Jim knew something I didn’t. 🙂

Thursday night Garth sang a song that has meant a lot to me since Jim died. I had it embedded on my other blog. I love it, although I haven’t been able to listen to it/watch him sing it without crying for a little over 6 years.
Until last night.

As soon as Garth started strumming his guitar I knew what song he was getting ready to sing.
And I involuntarily let out an audible sigh, along with what I think was an, “Ohhh:.
Daughter #1 left the room.
Now I can’t be sure that she wasn’t just going to do something that needed to be done, but I suspect that she wanted to be no where near me while he sang that song. She’s seen what usually happens.

The song is “The Dance”.
And here’s the clip of him singing it Thursday night.
(Some of you might want to grab a tissue …… or 5).

But the strangest thing happened. As he started to sing, I just kind of tilted my head, and had a small smile on my face. I didn’t sing along with him, but I kind of nodded in time.
And remembered.
So much.

But I didn’t cry.
And that shocked me.
But pleased me, too.
If you’re widowed, I know you get that.

It still felt kind of bittersweet, but more sweet than bitter.
A lot has changed.

Now, if he had started singing “If Tomorrow Never Comes”, I have no doubt that I would’ve sat there sobbing, as usual.
Not everything has changed.

Jim also loved that song.
That’s because, as the lyrics say, he used to sometimes watch me sleep at night and think about how he felt about me.  (He didn’t do this on a regular basis …… that would’ve been creepy!)
One night, years ago, while he sat and watched me sleep, he wrote me a letter and told me how he felt.
I cried when I read it.
He pretty much wrote that song to me …… years before Garth ever sang it …… telling me that he wanted me to always know, without a doubt, how much he loved me.  So that if anything ever happened to him, I’d always be certain.
(Which begs the question ….. did Garth somehow get ahold of Jim’s letter and totally steal that song?! I’ll have to Google that later.)

So yeah, Garth brings me memories of Jim.
Happy memories.
Sweet memories.
Touching memories.
Emotional memories.

Even if he makes me cry, I still love listening to him/watching him.
Because he helps me remember what a great husband I really had …… one that wasn’t afraid to make sure I knew how very much I meant to him …… and always would.  No matter what.
I was blessed.
I am blessed.

So another first.
A good first.
It sure beats getting stuck in an elevator.

But even if there was a chance that I might have gotten teary later …… Garth ended with this song (which I did sing along with and smile hugely at!):
I couldn’t find the clip from Thursday.  In fact, I couldn’t find a good clip at all.  So please just get past the age of this one (Grammy Awards 1991) and try your best to ignore the dude speaking Spanish over the intro.  I promise he stops after that.
(I’m now seriously wondering if this was worth all of the trouble!)

Happy Saturday/Sunday, Peeps.

Oh …. and GO USA!!!!!!!!

2 thoughts on “I Had A First ……

  1. Cheryl Tomashek

    Janine, as soon as I knew Garth was on the show I knew he would sing “The Dance” and if he sang 2 the other would be “Friends in Low Places”. I thought of you when “The Dance” came on. I had never really listened to the lyrics closely until you posted about the song on your other blog. Glad you tuned in to Jay that night, it was a good “goodbye”. Hugs. Cheryl

  2. Donna

    Janine, I totally get it. That song, even though I didn’t consider it “our song” still reminds me of Andy and it still sometimes makes me cry. I was out with the new guy last night and Alan Jackson’s “Remember When” came on. I broke down. That was our song. And usually I can hear it now with no tears but not last night. It also happens to be the first song that Mike and I ever danced to so it’s got a pretty convoluted emotion for me.


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