…… and I’m feeling all of the feels.
So it’s been a week.
The first two days I felt a huge sense of relief to be away from it.
I was glad to not be inundated with political crap.
I was glad to not find out which friends are racist.
I was happy to have more time to do other things.
After a few days I started to miss posting things.
I would see something interesting or thought provoking or extraordinarily cute and think, “I need to post that”, only to remember that I don’t currently do that.
And then I remembered that I’m a member of a few groups that I need to stay connected with.
So that was a conundrum.
I didn’t take that into consideration when I cut FB out of my life.
So I may be back sooner than I expected.
But definitely not until after the election.
This week has been a week full of feelings.
Relief.
Happiness.
Freedom.
Anger.
Sadness.
Lots and lots of sadness.
I’m sad that Christian friends I’ve known and worshipped with for over 20 years have shown their racist colors.
I’m sad that many places here in my city are starting to board up their windows and doors in preparation for the election.
This is a picture I took today of a store on my block:
Bloomingdale’s and Macy’s have boarded up, too.
Macy’s is now hidden behind a depth of 5 boards.
How sad is that?
I’ve never experienced this kind of thing over an election.
An election.
A practice of democracy.
Something that usually brings excitement, pride and anticipation.
Not this year.
This year it brings mainly sadness.
I’m sad that I can’t just go off and visit my grandchildren whenever I want to.
A visit now requires testing and quarantining.
And then quarantining some more.
I’m sad that, before I deactivated my FB account, I unfriended a friend.
It was my first unfriending in the last 4 years, for reasons related to, but not solely based on, politics.
This wasn’t political for me.
It was based on racism.
I can agree to disagree with the best of them.
I have more friends than I can count with whom I disagree with politically.
I have more family members than I’d like to have with whom I disagree.
But …… racism.
That’s a whole other ballgame.
When what you think affects what the future may look like for these two loves in my life …… you’re out.
That’s not even something I will think twice about.
I won’t agree to disagree.
I won’t give you the benefit of doubt.
I won’t listen to your explanation.
I will cut you from my life.
And that’s that.
When I look at a picture of those two incredible human beings …… I feel tremendous joy, immense pride, unfathomable love …… and incredible sadness.
Sadness for the ignorance, the denial, the hate that is in our country.
All based on the melatonin in their skin.
I also feel fear.
Deep, soul crushing fear for what their future might hold.
Based on the melatonin in their skin.
So much love.
So much fear.
So much anger.
So much exhaustion.
So many feels.
My Second Plan A 
I just have to believe that we will be a better society as those sweet boys grow up!
Sent from my iPhone
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From your mouth to God’s ears, Cindy 🙏
Omg are they so precious. I’m sorry life is so complicated. And in addition we’re widows. Not fair and not fun. Keep breathing and I will too. Only way to get through this. I’ll be watching out for your boys too
Frances Rubin
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Thank you, Frances. ❤
A. Those boys are sooooo cute!
B. I miss you on FB and look forward to your return
C. I believe It’s important to engage with people who don’t see the racial issue as we do. Without talking with them there’s no way they will hear and understand. (I know, it feels like they’re not hearing or understanding anyway, and in a way I believe you are right, but I know there’s no way for them to hear if we don’t engage with them somehow). That being said, I don’t think you need to continue to engage. AT some point you need to draw the line. The trick is finding when is the right time to say “enough.”
Hi Lily!
Thanks for A & B! And I agree with you on C. I can discuss and explain …… up to a point. These days it doesn’t seem to do any good to try to discuss or explain. No one wants to listen and certainly no one (or most people) wants to consider looking at things from a different perspective. If they would we’d have a much better chance of making racism extinct. And yes, it’s hard to know when to draw that line. Here’s to better days …… hopefully.
Janine, I’m not really anyone to you, but please know that you give me hope and have for many years. I’ve seen you grow and transform in ways that let me know change is always possible. You, against all the stereotypes of your upbringing (you know, southern, Republican, Christian), challenge your belief systems and share that with us. That is such a valuable voice, especially on days that feel hopeless and as if nothing can ever change. YOU are valuable and I miss seeing you and your beautiful family.
Oh Wendie, you are so very wrong. You are SOMEBODY to me. You’ve been with me from the beginning of this chapter of my life. You’ve encouraged me, supported me and let me know that I’m not alone more times than I can count. I’ve watched your children grow up! I value you and your opinion. Thank you for this. It fills my heart more than you know. <3.
Dear Janine, Oh, how I miss hearing your voice on FB; and how fortunate I feel to continue hearing your voice on your blog! I agree that we all need a break from the hatred, racism, and the lying (yes, actual lying)! I put myself on a diet (no news, no FB) for a few days, and then I slowly add it back. Janine, even though we don’t see each other often, I consider your opinions and advice an important part of my life, especially now, as I deal with widowhood. I love you!
I love you so much, Jo Ann, and am so glad that you’re still in my life after all of these years (I won’t say how many!) But I truly hate that we have this widow thing in common now.
I like your diet. I plan to add FB back after the election, though I will play that by ear, depending on how everyone behaves after the election. I also look forward to your posts and love seeing pictures of Mike and your awesome sons. <3.