In the Stillness of the Evening ……



…… memories tend to come back.
Sometimes it’s the memories that you forgot you had.

That happened tonight.
While I was holding my granddaughter (I’d nickname her Granddaughter #1, but since she’s an only that would be silly. I know that you, my wise reader, know full well who she is.)

For the last week and a half (a bit less than that) one of my jobs has been to take her at night so that my daughter and her hubs can get a few hours of sleep. I get her early-ish. Anywhere from 8:00 to 10:00 or so. And then I hold her, rock her, walk her, sway with her, etc. to try to let them sleep as long as possible before her next feeding.
Tonight is my last night.
(Cue tears.)

Her other grandparents come tomorrow evening.
I’ve never had to share grand parenting.
It will be …… different.
I don’t feel negatively about it. I’m thankful that she will have so much love in her life.
But it’s …… just different.

Anyway, they will arrive tomorrow and take over helping out around here.
I will take care of the grandsons tomorrow night and we’ll all be here Sunday for her baptism (which her grandfather has the honor of performing) and then I’ll head back to Waco with Daughter #2 and the boys.

The other grandparents are lovely. I’ve enjoyed being around them the few times we’ve been together.
They raised 3 terrific children and one is the best husband I could ask for my daughter.

And yet …… this short visit will be a bit difficult.
Another feeling that I didn’t foresee.
It came out of nowhere.
Or everywhere, I guess.

There are two of them.
A couple.
They are beyond excited to see her …… their first grandchild.
They get to share this excitement.
With each other.
They get to watch each other hold her and compare her to each other and to their children.
That is a blessing.
I’ll be fine, with a tinge of sadness.

But I digress.

In the stillness of the evening.

This one came back to me:

One morning, back when we had only 3 or 4 children (only!), I woke up to find a letter from Jim.
He had stayed up late and wrote it while he watched me sleep (not creepy at all if you don’t over think it.)

It seems that he had listened to a Garth Brooks song that night and it made him do a lot of thinking.
And he wanted to tell me about it.

He wanted to tell me how much he loved me.
He wanted to tell me how much he appreciated me, as a Christian, a wife, a friend and a mother.
He wanted to be certain that I knew all the things.
Without a shadow of a doubt.
In case.

In case tomorrow never comes.
About 17 years before it never came.

That’s the memory that came back tonight.
A blessing …… in the quiet of the evening.

10 thoughts on “In the Stillness of the Evening ……

  1. Gretchen Elwood

    Wow! Your words touched me. 3 weeks till our grandson comes. Wish Bruce were here to celebrate. I’ll come from hospital alone

  2. Paula

    Tears came to my eyes reading this. Although I don’t have grandchildren yet, I’m already thinking about how we used to envision it as a couple, and it will never be. Thank you for sharing. It’s so nice to know that there are other people out there that can relate. Congratulations on your new granddaughter!

  3. Diane

    Well said Janine!

    My daughter was having a hard time when my Jim died, she was 15 and at odds with her dad for lots of reasons. She is now 19 and blossoming at college. I am so proud of her and it hurts that Jim and I cant enjoy and remember together. Sigh… I try not to think too far ahead about the other life events, it’s too much for now.

    Anyway, I’m grateful for your honesty – it helps to know what I experience is all part of the widow life.

    All the best!


  4. Cynthia Horacek

    We’ve had 4 grandson’s born since Don died; the two oldest ones have other grandparents who play a much bigger role in their lives due to location. But we never liked those two grandparents, and we didn’t/don’t like their son. NOT the husband I had wanted for my daughter. But yeah, holding each one with Don there was hard.
    Thank you for posting this; I love your blogs.

  5. glenda1203

    Congratulations on your granddaughter! Can’t wait for mine! I have 2 grandsons. Paternal grandpa is in their life, not the grandma (although she’s alive) but can’t be bothered.


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