It’s Been a Long Time ……

…… since I’ve written a post, and I’m not sure why. I think this is the longest I’ve ever gone between posts.

Part of it is because I haven’t felt that I’ve had anything to say. Life has been going on …… nothing spectacular, but nothing horrible, either.
Mostly.

A family member is very sick, and today he had a heart attack, but he was conscious, which is good. So there’s that. I try not to let the sadness in all of the time, but it’s there.

The kids are all doing well. The grandson is fabulous. Waco has been good. Lonely, but good.

I’m in NY now, so that’s great.
But it, too, feels lonely.
I’m keeping busy, so it’s not that.
It’s …… missing him.
I’m really missing Jim more right now …… and I’m trying to figure out why.
I mean, I miss him every day, don’t get me wrong.
But tonight there are tears with the missing of him.
That doesn’t occur all that often anymore.

So I sit and ponder the date for a bit. It’s March so that’s not it. Nothing huge ever happened in March with us.
It’s not NY.
It’s not Waco, although I often feel sad that he’s not here for J-bear to know. And that he’s not here to love being a grandpa.
More tears.

Sometimes there’s no explanation.
The missing is just there.
Bigger than other times.
Hurting more sometimes.
Lonelier most times.

God, I miss that man.IMG_6278

5 thoughts on “It’s Been a Long Time ……

  1. Diane Fisler

    Thank you for sharing, Janine.. I’ve missed your blogs. I know how you feel. All the “keeping busy” doesn’t keep the “missing him” away. (((Hugs))). Miss you!

    Reply
  2. Kim

    You have been missed. I seem to be walking around with a lot of the ‘missing him’ lately too. It is 6 years now and there are many days when its ok but there seems to be lots of days when the missing is stronger than other times and I am also crying from the missing also. Thanks for your words. hugs

    Reply
  3. Twyla

    Missed you and your thoughts and words.
    I so identify with you.
    It’s been three and a half years and the tears
    Are fewer than in the beginning but they still sneak out.
    I’ve come to realize this is how life is now and I believe
    Always will be. Glad your back.

    Reply

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