…… since I’ve written a post, and I’m not sure why. I think this is the longest I’ve ever gone between posts.
Part of it is because I haven’t felt that I’ve had anything to say. Life has been going on …… nothing spectacular, but nothing horrible, either.
A family member is very sick, and today he had a heart attack, but he was conscious, which is good. So there’s that. I try not to let the sadness in all of the time, but it’s there.
The kids are all doing well. The grandson is fabulous. Waco has been good. Lonely, but good.
I’m in NY now, so that’s great.
But it, too, feels lonely.
I’m keeping busy, so it’s not that.
It’s …… missing him.
I’m really missing Jim more right now …… and I’m trying to figure out why.
I mean, I miss him every day, don’t get me wrong.
But tonight there are tears with the missing of him.
That doesn’t occur all that often anymore.
So I sit and ponder the date for a bit. It’s March so that’s not it. Nothing huge ever happened in March with us.
It’s not NY.
It’s not Waco, although I often feel sad that he’s not here for J-bear to know. And that he’s not here to love being a grandpa.
Sometimes there’s no explanation.
The missing is just there.
Bigger than other times.
Hurting more sometimes.
Lonelier most times.
God, I miss that man.