Sorry to any of you who thought you might be due some money.
No such luck.
But you do get an apology.
A profuse apology.
But only to those of you who’ve uttered the words, “But it’s a dry heat.”
Because if you’ve said that …… I’ve made fun of you.
Maybe not you directly, but in general to anyone who’s ever said that.
Thus the class action.
When I’ve heard those words my response has always been, “Oh, whatever! One hundred and ten degrees is one hundred and ten degrees, dry or humid!”
I humbly ask for your forgiveness.
In my defense, I will tell you that I have never, ever lived in a “dry” place …… until now.
I’m from Oregon. Left when I was a toddler so I don’t remember much. Moved back for a year when I was 8, but still don’t remember much. However …… it’s Oregon. So the word “dry” has no application.
I grew up in Tulsa, Oklahoma. “Not dry?”, you may ask? No. It’s not. Because it sits against the Arkansas River. Not as humid as some cities, to be sure, but not dry at all.
Then we moved to Chicago.
Need I say more?
And then …… we moved to the mother load of humidity …… Houston, Texas.
You definitely don’t have to worry about dry skin, but you also can’t imagine the fires of hell being worse than August in Houston.
And then there’s New York.
Manhattan, if you will.
Which means there’s water all around.
Water all around=HUMIDITY!!
It never feels as bad as Houston, but there’s still humidity in the summer.
But now …… now I have a home in Waco, Texas.
If you’d have asked me two years ago if I’d ever be living in Waco I would’ve told you that you were insane.
But I have to tell you …… the high today was 99.
NINETY NINE!!! One degree short of 100!!
Yet I could’ve easily played two set of tennis this afternoon.
Because it’s a “dry heat”.
I’m here to tell all of you who live in the humid hells that a dry heat is the best heat in which to live.
Move, if you can.
Get the hell out of the humidity.
Escape to the dryness.
You’ll thank me in the end.