…… or two, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I’m trying very, very hard to not cry while I type this, but I’m not succeeding too well.
It is what it is.
Tomorrow I’m hitching a ride back to Houston with Daughter #2, Little Bit, and her case worker. They’re taking Little Bit to go see his mother.
And while I know that D2 is at peace with this, I also know that the thought of this makes her stomach lurch a bit.
I won’t be there for the meeting …… Son #2 is meeting us beforehand to take me home. I wish I could be there for D2. I wish I could hold her hand or at least keep a hand on her back during this meeting.
But I can’t.
She’s an adult and this is her life. I can only watch from the outside, and help when I can. And when I’m allowed.
(This is Gracie, lying down with Little Bit.)
It’s been a very nice, very peaceful week. Little Bit and I have hung out pretty much non-stop every day, until “Mama” comes home from work and then needs a baby-fix.
This little boy is so very, very blessed.
As is she.
I’ve been watching her a lot this week. There have been a couple of times when we’ve banged heads a little. Not so much banged, as maybe clunked.
All I can do is suggest things, tell her what I’ve found that has worked. It’s up to her to either take that advice, or go her own way.
She tends to go her own way.
And while that can be very frustrating, it also makes me very proud of her.
She’s doing this her way.
And I have to tell you, she is the best mother I’ve ever seen.
I wish I could take credit for that, but I know I can’t.
I only wish that I had been half as good as she is.
(Little Bit’s wonderful tummy during bath time.)
In my opinion, the main reason that she’s so very good at this …… is that she knows, without a doubt, that she has this child for only a brief moment. So she loves the hell out of him.
She holds him, talks to him, spends all of her extra time with him.
The house be damned, the laundry be damned, outside activities be damned.
She’s right there. With him.
Loving him, talking to him, teaching him how to trust.
I am so very proud of her.
And I know that Jim is/would be just as proud.
It hurts to watch her alone.
I cry that he’s not here to experience this.
But it is what it is.
This baby will be with her for only 2 more months. Maybe three.
But no longer.
He will then go back to his mother. Where he should be.
That’s the goal …… to keep families together.
And it’s what D2 wants …… in her heart of hearts.
She knows the end will be painful.
She knows that it will hurt.
She knows that she’ll grieve for him.
But she also knows that she’ll rejoice for him and his mother.
She’ll be happy to put them back together.
And she’ll be proud of helping to start his life with the love and strength that his mother couldn’t.
She’ll know that she gave him what he needed to start his life on a positive track.
She is the most amazing person that I know.
She has been called to this life of taking care of other people’s children …… when they can’t. For as long as they need her.
And she’s been called to give them back …… no matter the circumstance, no matter how much time has gone by, no matter.
Too bad we all can’t mother the way that she does.
I don’t even do it now. I hold him as much as I can, but I also end up putting him down so that I can maybe do a load of laundry or clean up some dishes.
I try to get other things done …… rather than just holding him and relishing every single second.
I wish I could’ve been more like her.
She’s so full of love and patience and more love.
I hope I can be like her when I grow up.
(Gracie, loving on Little Bit.)
She’s an amazing woman.
I love her so very, very much.
And am blessed to call her my daughter.
I hope Jim feels the same way.