Turning Things Around ……

…… isn’t something I’ve always been able to do these past almost-9 years.  In fact, it was impossible to do the first few years.

I think that’s something that most people don’t get.  And by “most people”, I mean the people who haven’t had to live through the loss of their spouse or child.  Most of them expect you to grab your bootstraps and pull yourself up and out of the murk.  At least after a year.

But now, thankfully, I’m able to stop the deep, dark thoughts and focus on something better.  For those of you who haven’t reached that point yet, I hurt for you.

Today I thought about this being another “holiday weekend” where I have no plans and no spouse to hang with.  More specifically, I don’t have Jim.
And I hate that.  I really, really hate it.

But then I decided to open up a window and check the weather.  Metaphorically and physically.
Actually, just physically. The metaphorical part occured to me a bit later.
What? I can’t always be deep.

Anyway, the weather turned out to be amazing. The temps were in the low 70’s all day. Some people wore sweaters or jackets.
Some people are nuts.

I decided to get out of the apartment and take Gracie for a walk. She was a bit tired today because we partied last night in celebration of her second birthday.
Well, I did most of the celebrating …… she mostly looked at me like I was crazy.
She also didn’t appreciate the fact that I dressed her up to celebrate.

So I decided to take her to the Park.
Of course, it helped that she decided to do this:

She does know how to work it.

So we spent some time in the Park. It was beautiful. And it felt like fall.
Or at least fall in Texas.

After that I came back and listened to the OSU game. Which we won.

Then I decided that I would order in for dinner and start a Gene Wilder movie-thon.

I turned the day around. On purpose.
Not something I could always do in my “after”.
But something I’m glad I can do now.
Of course, it also helps that I decided to go back on my meds a couple of months ago. I took the advice from a friend. Thank you, WT.
I got tired of being sad all of the time.
Hopefully I’ll just keep taking them and won’t try to go off of them again.

For those of you who don’t have to take meds for depression, I can’t explain this to you. I know it doesn’t make sense. I feel better, “normal”, when I’m on them. Even though I never needed them in my “before”.
Which is mostly why I try to go off of them.

Anyway, it’s been a good day.
Different from the day it started out to be.

I’ll never miss him any less.
But at least I can turn around and find some light now.
And that’s pretty dang huge.

10 thoughts on “Turning Things Around ……

  1. oakhoopscoach

    That is huge. And I know, not matter what you will always miss Jim. But so glad you were able to turn your day around! Thanks for sharing the hope that some of the rest of us may get there too. Love you. And totally, as you know, get the med thing. Hate that I need them. But hate the me I am without them even more. xoxo

  2. Janice Heidt

    Reading this as I’m about to meet a friend for dinner and a movie. I too was looking at a long holiday weekend with no plans, and feeling the loss so acutely. So I went to an outdoor concert by myself and saw good people there, then I invited a friend for a long outlet mall day yesterday, today dinner and a movie, maybe the same tomorrow. It doesn’t feel perfect, but it sure is better than having a pity party. I forget that other people are lonely too. Trying to get out of myself. Thank you.

    1. mysecondplana Post author

      Great thinking, Janice!! I applaud you getting out of yourself and making things happen.
      You’re right …… it isn’t perfect but hey, it’s pretty darn huge! 🙂


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