New York in Pictures ……

…… is usually the best way to show people New York. So I’m just going to randomly post pictures and then give you a brief description of them.

OK? It really doesn’t matter if it’s ok or not, since I’m forging ahead with them.
You can close this page now, or hang on for the ride.
Whatever floats your boat.
ūüôā

OK, WordPress has suddenly changed its platform and rather than drive myself crazy trying to fix this problem and separate all of these pictures, I’m just going to go with the flow.
Know that I’m not happy about it, but I’m trying to remain calm since it’s very close to bed time. ¬†ūüôā

So the first two pictures are, of course, Playbills from two plays that I saw last week.  The first play starts James Earl Jones and Cicely Tyson.  They both do a fine job, mostly of yelling at each other, which gets a tad bit old after a while.
But let me say this: ¬†Ms. Tyson looks pretty dang fabulous for a woman who’s in her late 80’s. ¬†And I do mean FABULOUS!

The next play, “Ugly Lies the Bone” was very good, and intense, and stars Mamie Gummer (a.k.a. Meryl Streep’s daughter). ¬†She did a fantastic job. ¬†The theatre is VERY small (I’m talking small!) and so it’s a very intimate space. ¬†I recommend it. ¬†Highly.

The four very lovely pictures were taken on our field trip to the Hudson Valley. ¬†The trees were gorgeous, but my favorite spot was the rock wall that went into, and out of, the water. ¬†I thought they were beautiful pictures …… even if I do say so myself.

I took Gracie to the park last week and she didn’t know what to make out of all of the leaves that totally covered the ground. ¬†She kind of freaked out for a bit and then seemed to settle in. ¬†Of course I couldn’t resist kicking leaves up on her to cover her up …… she wasn’t sure what to think about that, but ran away from them anyway. ¬†ūüôā

The next pics are of the ice skating rink in Central Park. ¬†I can’t believe how huge it is. ¬†Looks like a lot of fun!

And then there’s Billy Crystal. ¬†He and David Steinberg sat and talked for almost 2 hours. ¬†I had a front row seat, though my first seat was over on the side. ¬†The entire middle front row was empty, which Billy commented on when he came out, asking where the hell all of those people were.

I waited about 30 minutes or so, for a really good laugh, and then tried to stealthily move over to the middle section so that I could see them better. ¬† ¬†Of course, Billy had to notice and say something, which is what I feared would happen and what made me wait those 30 minutes. ¬† ¬†As soon as I sat down he looked up and said, “Where the hell have you been?! ¬†Should we start over from the beginning?!” ¬†I was a wee bit embarrassed, but happy that I’d managed to score a great seat. ¬†It was a very fun evening.

The next picture is of my dumbo puppy, looking like she’s smoking a big, fat cigar. ¬†That was the night before she started class to become a Therapy Dog. ¬†We started that class last night, and in spite of my trepidation, she did ok. ¬†I mean, we have a couple of things to work on, but she did much better than I thought she would. Oh, and she didn’t take the cigar with her.

The next two pics are for my Gamma Phi sisters. ¬†Tonight was a crescent moon, so I took two pictures. ¬†One farther away, one closer up. ¬†And I thought of each of you as I took them. ¬†ūüôā

I’m not too certain what that next picture of Gracie is, but the last one was taken after we got home from her class. ¬†She was pooped. ¬†To say the least. She still seems a bit tired, but she perked up today when we went to the Park for a walk.

I’ve spent a lot of time the last few weeks volunteering at the theatre. ¬†It’s been crazy busy but nice to also work with new people and make new friends. ¬†I’m really enjoying being a part of the people there.

So that’s a description of all of those pics. ¬†You can always ask questions if you need to.

Let’s see …… what else? ¬†I’m leaving for Texas this week, to spend a few days at home there, and then driving to Oklahoma with Son #1 for Thanksgiving. ¬†All of the kids, except for Daughter #1, will be there, too. ¬†I have mixed feelings about this. ¬†I haven’t really understood why, except that this is Jim’s home, where he was born, played, worked, grew up. ¬†This is the place we went to take a breather and enjoy the peace and quiet, even before the kids were born. ¬†This was the land where we’d lie down on the grass at night and look at the stars that shone in a way they never did back in Tulsa. ¬†We both loved the farm. ¬†We loved his family. ¬†We loved being there and taking our kids there.

I think my kids still enjoy going there, but it’s more pain than joy for me. ¬†Part of me wants to just hide away during Thanksgiving, while part of me wants to be with my children. ¬†So I’ll go. ¬†I’ll swallow down the pain and focus on being happy and thankful.

When I was wondering why I was feeling this way, it occurred to me that, #1.  This place was a place that I only went to with Jim.  So no wonder it hurts to be there without him.

And ……

#2. ¬†The death march always starts around Thanksgiving. ¬†Even when I don’t remember, my mind and body do. ¬†And for crying out loud, I’d love for that to stop!!!

Because all it does is cause me to miss him.  And miss him.  And miss him. And cry.  I hate crying.

In¬†truth, it’s been a difficult couple of months, if not longer. ¬†I miss him. That’s a given. ¬†But sometimes the missing seems harder, longer and¬†more painful. ¬†And sometimes it makes me question things I’ve always believed, always known. ¬†I’m struggling right now and would appreciate any prayers of believing friends who can spare them.

Here’s what’s going on: ¬† ¬† I don’t believe that it was God’s will that Jim would die. ¬†But yet he did. ¬†Bad things happen. ¬†Sometimes to good people. ¬†Jim was good. ¬†I wouldn’t say that I was, but he definitely was. ¬†So that wasn’t God’s will. ¬†Of course, He’s in control and He could’ve stepped in and healed Jim, but He did not. ¬†For whatever reason.

So how do I reconcile a God who lets death happen, to a God I’m supposed to praise and be thankful to when He causes good things to happen? ¬†Does He just step back and let death, carnage in Paris, thousands of refugees die? ¬†He steps back and just lets that happen? ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† But when something good happens, that’s because He intervened and made it happen? ¬†Why would He step back for one thing and not for all things? ¬†Why would he intervene in some events but not in all?

I’m so tired of hearing things like that; of hearing how marvelous God is because he saved someone. ¬†How very hard people prayed and so God intervened. ¬†People have no idea how very much those words hurt …… no, not just hurt …… but scar people like me. ¬†Like my children.

I realize that there will be people who will believe that I shouldn’t be questioning such things. That thinking that way makes me seem “less than” a believer. ¬†I’m ok with that. ¬†Because I think it’s total B.S. to say that Christians never go through that. ¬†I believe that honest Christians do. So yes, everyone else is lying.

It’s not pretty or popular to tell everyone that you’re struggling. Especially about God. And your faith. ¬†But there you go. ¬†I am. ¬†If there’s one thing I’ve always done here, it’s tell the ugly truth. ¬†I’m struggling.

So think what you will. ¬†Condemn if you want. ¬†Pray if you can. ¬†It’s going to be a tough few weeks. ¬†Right through Christmas and New Years, most likely. ¬†Maybe not. ¬†It would be nice if it didn’t last that long. ¬†Last year was a bit better, so that’s what I’m going for.

Now I shall return to binge watching a show called, “Reign”. ¬†Since I love historical fiction, it’s indeed been a total binge watch. ¬†You can Google it or check it out on Netflix if you want to learn more about it.

Have a great week, Peeps.
‚̧

5 thoughts on “New York in Pictures ……

  1. Kathy

    I don’t comment very often, but I just wanted to say I am sorry for your pain.

    I can’t pray for you, as I’ve never really believed in a God who answers prayers.
    But I do hope this is one of those easier holiday periods for you. Soak in all the
    Love and light you possibly can this Thanksgiving.

    Your dog is adorable and I love hearing about all the plays you attend.

    Reply
  2. Becky McBride

    I will definitely, daily, remember you in my prayers! Recently it was said to me “when we can’t pray for ourselves we pray for each other”. I’ve have struggled with my own prayers so to pray for you my friend will be hea!in for me.

    Reply
  3. Chris, who lurks

    I am so sorry you’re struggling. I have so often felt and thought many of the things you’re saying, although in my case it’s mom’s death. But I know what a good person she was and I struggle along the same lines. I can’t say I’ll pray but I’ll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts, okay? And, it’s uncanny how your body just knows. I started feeling it in September and couldn’t quite place why THEN I was suddenly…out of sorts. But then I remember the long scary days at the hospice hospital (she was taken there a couple times from home hospice) and I know that October is no longer a month of celebration but of the mourning that comes year after year after y ear.

    Reply
  4. Estralita

    Janine, I feel exactly the same.
    Desember / January is extremely difficult for me .
    All the birthdays / anniversaries ect within 1 month.
    You will be in my thoughts.
    Estelle

    Reply
  5. JSP

    I was having coffee the other day with someone that said to me “I believe in the power of prayer” with regard to someone asking for prayers for a woman that has cancer and was having surgery. I smiled and nodded politely. My husband was killed while riding his bicycle. He was gone before I was notified and I had no time to pray. I don’t want to discuss it with anyone who can’t understand so I don’t, but I read stories like yours, and I know if prayers alone could save someone you would not be where you are. I was not a member of a religion before my husband was killed, though I prayed every night and believed in God, and after he was killed I struggled with the concept of a God that could allow this to happen. A friend told me that a pastor told her that we have a relationship with God here so that we can go on to the afterlife with Him. He said God does not control everything here. Forgive me for my lack of religious knowledge, but this made better sense to me than the idea he saves some and takes others. I don’t know if I should have commented, but I have wanted to since you posted this. I tell myself I have to accept that I will never understand. I wish for you as much peace as you can find this holiday season. It must be so difficult to have those memories wrapped up in the holidays.

    Reply

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