…… as does blogging.
Sometimes it starts with a new place. As it has with me. And this blog.
I’ve moved from Texas to New York. If anyone would’ve told me 5 years ago that I’d be living here, in NYC, on my own, I would’ve told them that they were crazy. After Jim died, I knew that I would never leave Texas, never leave our community. It’s funny how time changes things. And people. Some for worse. And some for better. I’ve been through both. On many levels. But now, in my second Part A, I’m seeing mostly better.
So I’m living in NY. Mostly. I still have a home in Texas and so I have to go back there periodically. But I don’t stay long. I don’t miss much about Texas. It’s a very bittersweet place for me now. My husband and I lived there for 16 1/2 years. And it was mostly wonderful. I never wanted to live in Texas. In fact, I told him that I would live almost anywhere, but not there. God has a big sense of humor, does He not?
Not long after telling Jim that I wouldn’t live in Texas, he was transferred there. And so we moved. And I hated it. Hugely. For the first year. It took me that long to know that everything would be ok. One full year. That would later be a guide for me. The “one full year” ruler. If I could survive for a full year, then I knew I’d be ok. Not that I used that ruler after Jim died. I knew better than that. I wasn’t foolish enough to believe that I’d be ok after only a year. No way. No how. It took more like five.
And here I am …… almost six years out, and I’m ok. In fact, I’m more than ok. I’m really living. And living as fully as I can. Jim would be very proud. I know I am. Not that life is perfect. No life is. These past 6 years have taken a toll on me, my children and our family. But it was what it was. And it is what it is. Children are still growing up. And maturing. Sometimes that’s a very, very hard road. For everyone involved. Add to that a dead parent, and the road is almost impossible to traverse. I know this much …… it’s impossible to come out of it unchanged.
I am changed. My children are changed. Our family is changed. I never saw any of this coming. I never pictured our family looking the way it looks today. Thankfully. But it is our family. For good and for bad. It’s my family.
So again, here I am in NY. And I love it. Very, very much. I’m starting the second part of my life here. I don’t know how long I’ll live here. Or if I’ll ever live here full time. But I do know, that for now …… right now …… it’s where I want to be. This city has been described as resilient, energetic and optimistic. So it’s the right place for me. Because now …… 6 years later …… so am I.